Snark, Critic and Pop!

This is by no means a complete list, but it’s a start: Celebrities (for lack of a better word) who sang and probably should have stuck to their day job.

When I think of melodic voices, I think of pro wrestler “Macho Man” Randy Savage.

The Macho Man put out his own hip hop album a few years back. The highlight (or the only one I heard) is the track “Be a Man” where Savage calls out Hulk Hogan for a real fight.  Wait, wasn’t their match at WrestleMania V was NOT a real fight?  My whole life has been a lie!!!

Heiress and reality TV bimbo Paris Hilton even cut an album. Billions of her forture were poured into studio magic to give it some quality, and they managed to make Paris sound like every other pop diva without talent. The music video for “Nothing in the World” is hilarious, a mini-movie about a teenage boy who worships Paris Hilton to creepy lengths. The teenager’s torment at the hands of bullies is thwarted when Paris moves next door in a sleepy suburb and agrees to let the boy watch her strip. Oh, and she escorts him to the school cafeteria, which rearranges the social structure of high school and suddenly the bullies are the bullied.

Basketball great Shaquille O’Neal expanded his horizons in the 90s from failing acting to failing at rapping. Here’s a sample of Shaq falling flat:

Then there is Lindsay Lohan, who co-stars in the music video for “First” with a car Herbie:

Reality tv “star” Angelina from Jersey Shore has produced a rap song that has been “leaked” prematurely. I have had leaks out of my posterior that are more pleasant to the senses than this song:

David Hassellhoff. I’ll never forgive you for what you did to my noble bear friends in this terrible, terrible, terrible music video of “Hooked on a Feeling.” So much weirdness, I must say not much is more disturbing than at around the 2:20 mark when the Hoff floats down behind himself as if wooing himself. Not to mention that this totally rips off the Kirk Van Houten classic “Can I Borrow a Feeling.”

Leonard Nimoy (alias Spock) performs the Ballad of Bilbo Baggins. The geek factor is off the charts, with Star Trek meeting Lord of the Rings. The song also was off different charts for different reasons.

The least embarrassing foray into music actually belongs to . . . can it be? Steven Seagal! (‘Nuff said about how terrible this list is)

Speaking of Stevens, let us not leave out Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater (does he count as a celebrity?):

Eddie Murphy, if you took your own advice and partied all the time, you might not have done this:

Wait, Bruce Willis ain’t that bad to listen to here . . . at least for the first 30 seconds:

What better way to conclude than William Shatner’s performance of Rocket Man?