Snark, Critic and Pop!

Officially released on DVD Tuesday is the latest edition to the Asylum’s legendary series of low-budget monster creature features, 2010: Moby Dick.  As the title indicates, this is a modernized adaptation of Herman Melville’s novel, Moby Dick.  Note I don’t say “classic” novel.  I had to read Moby Dick as a high school assignment.  I didn’t care for it.  From hell’s heart I stab at the classicness of Moby Dick.

Also motivating the placement of ”2010″ in front of “Moby Dick” is, as the Asylum has confessed, is that Video on Demand services often list movies alphabetically.  Thus they’ve been putting numbers in front of recent titles to get them seen.  See: 8213 Gacy House, # 1 Cheerleader Camp, 7 Adventures of Sinbad, 2012: Supernova, etc.   Genius!

In the Asylum’s version of Moby Dick, Captain Ahab (Barry Bostwick) is a nuclear submarine Captain who lost his leg to the legendary beast in his youth.  When sitings of Moby Dick begin to surface, so to speak, Ahab goes off the reservation, disobeying orders to pursue his vendetta against the monstrous, white whale.  

Amusingly, the movie 2010: Moby Dick takes Ishmael and makes him “Michelle Melville,” played by former Xena: Warrior Princess sidekick Renee O’Connor.  Michelle is a marine biologist who specializes in whale calls, who Ahab basically abducts to help him with his revenging. 

Oh, and this Moby Dick isn’t just some pissed off, ordinary whale.  The Asylum’s Moby Dick is the size of an aircraft carrier.  It’s capable of flying out of the water to swallow a regular whale whole.  Moby Dick is a tactical genius who at one point outmaneuvers his adversaries by getting the rare “heat seeking torpedo” launched at the whale to strike the submarine which fired it.  Moby Dick is also capable of amphibious assault, sneaking over a mountain to attack his human pursuers from the rear.  In my favorite Moby Dick stunt, the whale poses as the ocean floor to trick a pudgy sailor to run out onto him, before revealing himself to be the carnivorous whale and attack. 

The physics of all this are questionable.  The cinematic joy is undeniable.

In the novel Moby Dick, there is a line delivered by the point-of-view character “Call Him” Ishmael: “It was the whiteness of the whale that above all things appalled me.”   The Asylum works that line of dialogue in, hilariously inserting it in an exchange with the two black crewman.  Awesome. 

Despite its literary themes and its towering performance from Barry Bostwick as Captain Ahab, 2010: Moby Dick  is in the same vein as my two previous favorite Asylum creature features, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus and Mega Piranha.  In fact, the film might as easily have been been called “Mega Dick” and comprised the third wheel in the ultimate, Mega Trilogy.   (That phrase “Mega Dick” should get us some unique hits from Google.  Sorry to disappoint you, friends.  You may have come for the porn, but please stay for the witty pop culture snarkiness.)

According to the DVD’s behind the scenes feature, Barry Bostwick didn’t like the harpoon gun Captain Ahab was supposed to use so he made his own from the garage.  The director also states that Bostwick came to the set with his own idea of how to play Ahab, and the director decided to let him do it his way.  (Translation: Bostwick cared and gave it some thought, I just kind of showed up.)  Kudos to Barry Bostwick!  Here’s hoping there’s many Spin City reunion specials in your future.

Bottom line, 2010: Moby Dick  is one of the Asylum’s best and highly entertaining movies.  If you enjoy fun/bad movies like we do, do yourself a favor and check out 2010: Moby Dick!