From those wonderful folks at the Smoking Gun comes the tale of a man who decided to pleasure himself on board a flight while sitting next to a 17 year old girl, then came up with the worst excuse ever. Rafael Escamilla was arrested for allegedly masturbating on board a flight from Salt Lake City, to Iowa. He told police he was merely “massaging and itching himself because he had spilled Tabasco sauce on his penis.” Care to reread that? I didn’t think so. Now any reasonable person would have lied and said they were reading Snooki’s new book and contracted Gonorrhea from it. Sure you have have to admit you read what she calls a book, but hey, it’s better than being a registered sex offender, right? No? Well, I guess not, but it carries a shorter sentence.
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