Snark, Critic and Pop!

What the heck? I’m not sure if this is going to be awesomely bad, awesome, or just plain bad:

Apparently, the Man of Steel could not produce his birth certificate. 

It seems that in its latest publicity stunt (Superman gets a dog! Superman dies! There are four Supermen! Superman gets married!  Superman needs Viagra!), Superman has renounced his American citizenship. 

Good riddance, I say.  We don’t need any dang illegal aliens rescuing American damsels! 

The actual explanation goes something like this:

The key scene takes place in “The Incident,” a short story in Action Comics #900 written by David S. Goyer with art by Miguel Sepulveda. (continue reading…)

Everybody was kung fu fighting, the police came fast as lightning.  Not to break up a yakuza vs. mafia brawl but to arrest a singer of the Carl Douglas classic. Simon Ledge was singing the song at the Driftwood bar in Sandown, UK when a passing man “of Chinese origin” took offense claiming he was “subjected to racial abuse”.  Ledge was arrested on suspicion of causing harassment, alarm or distress.  Were this April 1st, this might be funny.  Carl Douglas himself has weighed in on the incident:

“I couldn’t believe it. This is not a racist song. It’s a happy, kicking, disco song.”

Now, racism is not a joke like DVD piracy, nor is it a victimless crime like punching someone in the dark, but this is absurd!

. . . But We Don’t Have To Be Here When He’s Back, Right?

Arnold Schwarzenegger says he’s ready to play the Terminator again. 

Please let the Terminator die with dignity, Hollywood.  1 & 2 were great, 3 laughable, the reboot with Christian Bale/Sam Worthington mediocre at best.  I never saw the Terminator TV show, but the fact they DID a Terminator TV show degrades the value of the franchise (no offense, Summer Glau).  Unless Christopher Nolan or J.J. Abrams says I want to do a Terminator movie, let it go, people!

As your reward for not going out and renting the latest Twilight movie, I present to you this gem: Brick.

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Professional wrestling has seen many men with the moniker of “Dragon” over the years.  Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboot, Ultimo Dragon, Super Dragon, Dragon Kid, “The American Dragon” Bryan Danielson, The Insane Dragon, the Jung Dragons, etc.  It seemed that every adjective you could put in front of the word “Dragon” had been done to exploit these noble creatures’ for pro wrestling glory.  Well, in a little, independant wrestling promotion called Chikara, they introduced professional wrestling’s only real dragon, Dragon Dragon. 

Tired of seeing his people’s name taken in vain by lowly humans, Dragon Dragon came to make his mark.  Yes, a real dragon entered the ring in pursuit of championship gold with a moveset that included his patented tailwhip and the dragon screw tailwhip.  Keep your eyes on this plucky up and comer, who will no doubt be leap frogging up the ranks of wrestling in no time.  Behold the glory of Dragon Dragon, my friends: (continue reading…)

Tom Hanks. Fine actor with few blemishes on his resume (I’m looking at you, Joe Versus the Volcano!).  And he’s even got a son named Colin who’s a pretty good actor and the spittin’ image of his Dad.  But our pal Tom has another son who’s fallen far from the tree — Chet Hanks, though that’s hip hop sensation Chet Haze to you. 

Chet was not so much moved by any of his Pops fine films as he was inspired by Eminem’s 8 Mile, or perhaps Jamie Kennedy’s Malibu’s Most Wanted.  Chet has dropped his first single “White and Purple” — inspired by the colors of his college Northwestern.  Sample lyrics: “This is college hitting blunts after hittin books.” And “Hear the neighbors talk, but you know that they be losin’/ I’m trying to walk the walk for the major of my choosin’”.  If I’d known royalties from Toy Story 3 were going to pay for this kid’s education, I never would have bought a ticket.  Here’s the song, parental warning for language and dope rhymes: (continue reading…)

Against the Dark is a gay romp through recycled plot lines, poor continuity and even poorer character development. Did that do enough to sell the movie? No? How about this – it stars a doughy Steven Seagal and the Rock’s stunt double.  Now you’re hooked, I know it.

The film takes place in a world in which a terrible plague which noone is immune to has turned people into vampires, and I say noone is immune to it because we are told this up front.  There is no hope, so don’t even bother.  Luckily for our heroes, which in this film are a group of 6 hapless dopes who (continue reading…)

For the record, I like trees. Every time I go do what bears do in the woods, I’m grateful there’s a tree around for the aftermath. For some reason, trees do not like me. Treebeard in particular has left me some rather hurtful notes. I don’t think a shrubbery is worth shedding a tear over, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to pour some manner of poison — like Crystal Pepsi — on it.

In honor of Earth Day, I feel compelled to bring this video to your attention. I promise you, we’re all not like this in North Carolina:

Featuring Kevin Nash! And Thor running down the streets with a machine gun!

The 3D erotic comedy “Sex and Zen” has set a Hong Kong box office record in only its first week on the big screen.  It took in almost half a million dollars, and dethroned Avatar, leaving me with mixed feelings.  While I feel that Avatar is crap the fact that Sex and Zen is a remake of a 1991 film is disturbing – can’t producers of #D erotic comedies come up with some original ideas?  More disturbing – I don’t see any 3D erotic comedies coming to theaters near my house.  The film:

tells the story of a sexually frustrated scholar in ancient China who loses himself in the harem of a duke he befriends

Hong Kong Theater owners are reported to be using the extra revenue to clean the seats in theaters, which are very sticky all of a sudden. 

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Elisabeth Sladen, best known for her role as Sarah Jane Smith on Doctor Who has died of cancer.  Sladen appeared as Sarah Jane from 1973-1983, spanning Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker’s doctors (and traveling with K-9 as well).  In recent years, she reprised her role in guest appearances opposite David Tennant, and in the childrens spinoff program The Sarah Jane Chronicles.  Sarah Jane was the doctors companion when I began watching in the late 70’s in my parents basement on an old black and white set (rabbit ears and all) and will be sorely missed by whovians and assorted nerds alike.