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Archive for May, 2011

The Hobbit: Film Names & Release Dates

by on May.31, 2011, under Movies, News

I won’t beat around the bush, here is what you came to see:

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey – Release date December 2012

The Hobbit: There and Back Again – Release date December 2013

And, as we have previously posted, Leonard Nimoy as Smaug!

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The IRS cracked down on the Jedi master because he Yoda lotta money

by on May.31, 2011, under News

Well, it wasn’t the IRS, it was principal Raymond Broderick of Westfield High School in Massachusetts, and it wasn’t Jedi masters, it was a couple of geeks.  Apparently, they decided that being it was just a few days from graduation, they should enter the cafeteria and engage in a mock light saber battle.  The principal decided a 10 day suspension was in order because, you know, people could have gotten hurt.  Now, in my day this would have been resolved  with these kids being given wedgies and jammed in lockers.  But not today.  The PC police have cracked down on bullying.  It is no longer “cool” to force conformity through violence.  Oh, what a world, what a world.

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Music for Monday: Chemical Brothers – Believe

by on May.30, 2011, under Music

An oldie but goodie… Dom and Nic directing… Best Video of the Year at Music Vision CADS 2006

! (continue reading…)

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REVIEW: 200 M.P.H. (2011)

by on May.29, 2011, under Movies

200 M.P.H. is a fast yet not entirely furious b-movie car orgy. Designed to be the Asylum’s mockbuster answer to Fast Five, 200 M.P.H. promises cars and babes. It delivers. And there’s even something for the ladies: SNP’s favorite Asylum regular, muscle man Paul Logan as a corrupt cop.

200 M.P.H. is not the type of movie meant to make you think. The only moral dilemma explored is how long after a adult son’s death is too soon for a “exotic dancer” to return to bumping and grinding at the local strip club.  (continue reading…)

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The Asylum – The Movie Studio That NEVER Loses Money

by on May.29, 2011, under Movies, Television

Our pals over at the Asylum were recently featured telling the story of their money making, movie making formula on CNN Money. Check out the video: (continue reading…)

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REVIEW: I Am Number Four (2011)

by on May.28, 2011, under Movies

Pretty much any recipe will lead to number two sooner or later, but it takes very special ingredients to produce “I Am Number Four.”  Those ingredients are mainly a healthy dose of Twilight, substituting aliens for vampires, complete with otherworldly, hunky hero going to school as he tries to hide his superpowers as he courts a local beauty (Dianna Agron).  There’s one thing that Number Four has that Twilightnever did, though: Bernie Kosar references.  Kids love those!!!

The titular Number Four, a.k.a. “John” (Alex Pettyfer) is 1 of 9 extraterrestrial tots who survived their species’ extinction at the hands of some mean, bad guy aliens.  (I don’t recall the planet’s name, but I’m pretty sure it was not Krypton.)  The 9 are hiding on Earth from the evil aliens who are looking to finish what they started.  Presumably due to some manner of obsessive compulsive disorder, the bad guys are compelled to knock off the 9 survivors in order.  The first three are down, and now Number Four must lay lower than ever.  

These aliens have all manner of ways to track the poor guy, so the first thing Four does is . . . dye his hair blonde.  That’ll fool ‘em! (continue reading…)

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Police Bulletin: Suspect Last Seen Wearing Garish Robe, Pink Frill

by on May.27, 2011, under News

In my home county, Mecklenburg, North Carolina, there has been an arrest warrant issued for one former 16 time pro wrestling world champion, ”Nature Boy” Ric Flair.  (Flair borrowed a great deal of money, using one of his championship belts as collateral(!), and not paying it back.) 

Flair is considered old and dangerous.  Suspect is armed with lethal knife edge chops.  Do not approach him without knowing the counter to the figure four leg lock.  Suspect communicates in a unique language of “woos!”.  Suspect known for limousine ridin’ and jet flyin’, women are warned he is a kiss stealin’ son of a gun.  Police have hired Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat to track down and bring the nefarious rule-breaker to justice. (continue reading…)

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Epic Rap Battles of History: Napoleon vs. Napoleon

by on May.27, 2011, under Music

Funny youtube video, yes; but I think there are lots of kids out there who probably don’t know who Napoleon Bonaparte is. These little youtube things are edumacational as well as entertainical! (continue reading…)

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by on May.26, 2011, under Cinematic Masochist, Movies

A new Rifftrax movie, available on their site to download both movie and audio together, is the previously undiscovered epic CRATER LAKE MONSTER. Check out the sample:

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It’s Rapture Party Time in Vegas!

by on May.25, 2011, under Sports

The Las Vegas Wranglers of the ECHL (double A hockey) are holding what is being billed as “The last hockey game ever played on Earth“. Why? Because it is there home opener, and happens to fall on May 21st 2011, uh… I  mean October 21st 2011 which is the updated date for the rapture (this date has been brought to you by the bat-crap crazy rantings of Harold Camping).  The Wranglers have hosted other wonderful promotions such as “Gov. Rod Blagojevich Prison Uniform Night” and “Dick Cheney Hunting Vest Night” so you know they have a sense of humor.  I myself don’t think this whole October 21st thing is very funny since my birthday is the next day and it looks like I am getting screwed out of gifts, but you have to love the way this organization markets itself:

“This is a low-risk proposition,” said Wranglers president and COO Billy Johnson. “If it doesn’t go as planned, it’s not the end of the world.”

That pun is worthy of SNPs own Daniel Roos!

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A Film So Sick It Left Oedipus Emotionally Scarred

by on May.24, 2011, under Film Festivals, Movies

It’s nice to know Antonio Banderas is still alive and getting work, even if his latest flick, The Skin I Live In, is so disgusting it sent the French running from the theater sick to their stomachs.  Jo Piazza reports from the Cannes film festival:

(The Skin I Live In) focuses on a mad but brilliant surgeon (Banderas) who kidnaps a man who raped his daughter.

The doctor’s daughter killed herself from the grief and it drives him to take very drastic measures. This is where it gets complicated and disturbing. (continue reading…)

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The Dark Knight Rises: Anne Hathaway as Catwoman

by on May.23, 2011, under Movies

All Right, Brian, I’ll See Your Bane Picture . . . and raise you Anne Hathaway as Catwoman

I know Adam West feels that the only real Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Merriweather, or Eartha Kitt, but I think even Mayor West may cut Anne some slack. 

If my posts are sporadic at best over the next year, it’s because I am in line waiting to buy tickets to The Dark Knight Rises.  Stupid 2011 Summer movies!  Be more Batman-y!!

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