Snark, Critic and Pop!

When there’s a big budget, big hype, big marketing push Summer blockbuster coming like Thor, there is a good chance our pals over at the Asylum Studios are going to capitalize with a similarly themed, similarly named, much different budgeted mockbuster.  Hence, “Almighty Thor.”  (The title may be the most clever thing about Almighty Thor, as Marvel Comics’  Thor series is famously dubbed “Mighty Thor.”)

Brian and I watched Almighty Thor just last night, and I confess that am already foggy on the details of the plot.  I originally thought that the Harlem Globetrotters were involved in some strange mix-up involved Asgard and a desert island, but a quick trip to imdb.com proved that piece was misremembered.

Here’s my best guess:  Almighty Thor involves the trickster god Loki (21 Jump Street hasbeen Richard Grieco, looking very sad and bored) seeking the mythical hammer (which resembles a rejected prop from a live-action Flintstones film) from All-Father Odin (pro-wrestling hasbeen Kevin “Diesel” Nash).  To the best of my knowledge, this is the first telling of Norse mythology where Odin has both his eyes and an abundance of tattoos.

Anyhoo, Loki manages to kill Odin, but not before Odin sends the hammer into hiding at the tree of life, which closely resembles an algae pond in a photographer’s dark room.

Thor is Odin’s headstrong son who seeks the hammer and revenge.  Thor is played by newcomer Cody Deal (whose previous big role was in the Russell Brand comedy Get Him To The Greek as “Uncredited Strip Club Patron”).  Cody resembles Owen Wilson with the original, mint-condition nose. 

It’s remarkable how utterly mentally and physically unprepared Thor is for the quest.  You’d think his warrior god/father would have taught him a little thing or two about sword fighting over the years, but maybe Odin always wanted Thor to be an accountant or something. 

If not for the constant tutoring, intervention, and scolding by random hot girl trying to save the universe (Patricia Velasquez, the hot Egyptian Princess of the first two Mummy movies), surely all would be lost.  What purpose Patricia Velasquez has in the film we’re not sure of, but we certainly were glad to see her. 

Like the vast majority of Asylum mockbusters, Almighty Thor is a fun ride perfect for a weekend party.  Good movie?  Of course not, but that’s not what we are here for.