Snark, Critic and Pop!

Posted some Joel riffs on Friday, so it’s only fair to the Mike fans (like me) to post the Rifftrax five year anniversary “best riffs” real:

Out on DVD August 2nd, MST3K Vol. 21, featuring 5 Gamera movies! Gamera, for those who don’t know, was a different Japanese studio’s ripoff of Godzilla. With a giant, flying turtle. See to believe, see-to-believers!

A good one, methinks: (continue reading…)

Look for founding Snarp Cripple Pop member Tom Stephens popping pills!

Do remember to give generously, this crisis has affected at least one friend of Daniel and mine who is a vice president for a Fortune 500 company.

This week, the big movie in theaters in director Jon Favreau’s Cowboys & Aliens, starring Daniel Craig, Olivia Wilde, and Harrison Ford. But I remember fondly another film with a similar concept, 1994′s Oblivion starring a slightly less a-list cast in George Takei (Sulu from Star Trek), Richard Joseph Paul, Julie Newmar (Catwoman from the Adam West Batman), Isaac Hayes, and Andrew Divoff.

I sought out the film at the time as Oblivion was written by my favorite writer growing up, self proclaimed “writer of stuff” Peter David (stuff including TV scripts, screenplays, comic books, Star Trek novels, various novelizations, etc.). When I watched the movie back in the mid-90s, I loved it. Cheesy sci-fi/western with cheap effects and plenty of Peter David dialogue that probably looked better on paper than when delivered by b-actors (“I don’t want to hurt anyone. But unfortunately you happen to be standing right where my gun’s about to go off”). (continue reading…)

The theme of the week appears to be Bad Fight Scenes. So, I contribute.

Daniel, don’t bring a Turkey to a bad fight scene fight. Brian, that handicap accessible kung fu is far too fast paced to compete with my entry. Yes, as the screen shot hints, I give you William Shatner vs. The Gorn from the original Star Trek. Good luck topping this, if you will: (continue reading…)

Behold: Crippled Masters! Accoding to IMDB:

Two men skilled in the arts of Kung-Fu are betrayed by their master and crippled for life, one left with no arms and the other with no legs. Despite their obvious disadvantages, they learn to combine their martial arts skills and seek revenge against the evil master.

Might this be the most offensive worst action scene of all time? (continue reading…)

I present to you Turkey’s finest action movie, Death Warrior!

There’s ninjas! Ninjas jumping on trampolines! And the Turkish, kung fu fighting David Hassellhoff! And a jedi mind powered, floating, exploding rock! And a battle versus a burning scarecrow! And did I mention NINJAS!?!

Might this be the greatest worst action scene of all time? Judge for yourself:

Saturday, I reviewed Olympic wrestler turned pro wrestler Kurt Angle’s acting in River of Darkness.  Bottom line, he’s not very good (yet).  A few years ago, he came out with a song.  He wasn’t very good.  And he never will be.

Repent, doubters! Bearmageddon is coming!

River of Darkness is a no holds barred, no-budget allowed, no catering horror film with a tired, familiar theme (think John Carpenter’s The Fog, but on a river!).  Only one thing makes the movie stand out: Wrestlers!

Yes, the casting agent must have confused WrestleMania for an audition reel, as nary a role is filled by someone who never traded arm drags and/or chair shots in the squared circle.  Methinks Sir Anthony Hopkins would have been rejected for his inability to to properly nail the Avalanche Flip Piledriver.

Former Olympic Gold Medal winning actual wrestler turned darn good pro wrestler Kurt Angle plays a small town sheriff investigating a series of brutal murders.  Former WCW mid-carder Ray Lloyd, a.k.a. “Glacier” is Angle’s rival, the diner owner who lost the election for Sheriff to Angle (what was Angle before being Sheriff, the Milk Man?).  Kevin “Diesel” Nash and “Psycho” Sid Vicious are two of the three undead, vengeful zombies causing all the ruckus.  Sadly the zombies basically resemble wrestlers in the middle of mud baths rather than actual zombies. (Wait, what does an “actual zombie” look like?) (continue reading…)

What else do you need to know? Ninjas vs. Vampires!