Often, we here at SnarkCriticPop post about forthcoming flicks that we think are going to be fun/bad. One such film I posted the trailer of back in Junewas BloodRayne: Third Reich. From the world’s worst director Uwe Boll (don’t believe me? Watch this movie) and featuring a leather clad vampire hottie battling Nazis, how could we be wrong? Well, quite frankly, I’m not entirely sure how, because my brain in some manner of failsafe has wiped the movie from my memory banks.
I have a distinct memory of plucking BloodRayne: Third Reich from a local RedBox. I remember taking it excitedly to the Bad Movie Night Crew’s weekly get-together. And I remember head-achy confusion. I remember wanting to challenge Uwe Boll to a boxing match, but realizing that I may never regain strength in my arms to eat a Dorito much less box a bad director.
I think I recall fragments. Ron Howard’s brother Clint Howard got work and lost any remaining dignity. There was lesbian action I think. (I’m not into that, but I think adding “lesbian action” to the blog might help garner hits.) There were fight scenes, maybe. Despite the film presumably referencing Nazi evil, the Holocaust, and whatnot, the only snippet of conversation in the room I recall involved why Rayne the Sexy Vampiress put her swords in a gutter.
So many unanswered questions. Can viewers sue Uwe Boll for making this movie? Probably not. If they did, and they saw the trailer posted here, would I be an accessory? I would have to throw myself on the mercy of the court.
Thanks only to my self-defense memory wipe, I am able to continue in life. But I must warn you: Do not watch this movie. We posted it because we thought it would be fun. It is not fun! It is unwatchable!!! Stay away!!!!!!!!
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