Snark, Critic and Pop!

Granted, not every channel can air football, parades, or the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special where Linus worships the Great Gobbler who rises out of the Turkey Patch. But why does ABC equate Thanksgiving with vapid, sensationized pop music? (Although, Lady Gaga has been providing the voice of Charlie Brown’s teacher for years, so there is some connection.) I guess if Lady Gag wears a turkey dress, it might make sense. (continue reading…)

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Oh, classic “Sean Connery” and “Alex Trebek”:

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“I’m communing!!!!!” (continue reading…)

Not since Billie Jean King has there been a confrontation like this. From Japan (where else?), Canadian pro wrestler Kenny Omega takes on 9 year old Japanese girl Haruka. Behold:

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Ah, Peta – You’ve done it again.  PETA is very angry with Mario (you know, the lovable video game plumber…) because in the new game Super Mario 3D Land Mario wears a Tanooki suit.  The game only went on sale Sunday, and PETA is all over it already.  What’s that you say? Mario has been wearing it since 1988?  Super Mario Brother 3 for original Nintendo?  Well, better late than never I suppose.  PETA is pulling no punches either:

“Tanooki may be just a “suit” in Mario games, but by wearing the skin of an animal, Mario is sending the message that it’s OK to wear fur”

They even went so far as to create their own game in which a skinned, bleeding Tanooki chases Mario trying to get its fur back.  It is supposed to make you want to stop wearing fur, but it makes me want to eat Doritos and play on my PlayStation.  PETA however is hip to what the kids are doing, and knows how to talk to them:

 ”This winter, everyone can give raccoon dogs and other fabulous animals a 1-UP by keeping our wardrobes fur-free.”

Ah yes PETA, you are very, very crafty…

From the 2010 classic Sharktopus: The greatest death scene ever. “Oh no. Not like this!”

What better way to spend a lazy Saturday afternoon than going Out for a Kill?  This Steven Seagal direct-to-DVD endeavor is primarily noteworthy as it was the first movie produced with Confusovision 3000!  The groundbreaking Confusovision 3000 editing process (patent pending) renders understanding plot details virtually unknowable. 

The year is 2003.   They were better times in many ways.  No one knew who Justin Bieber was.  If you said “Lady Gaga” they would assume you were talking about a baby girl.  It’s shortly after Steven Seagal’s last big-screen feature film fizzled (Half Past Dead) in 2002.   Now he’s starring in low budget crap like Out For A Kill.  But, from the look in Steven Seagal’s eye – I think it’s called “hope” – Seagal hasn’t quite accepted his fate of reality shows, border patrols, musical sideshow, and z-movie star.  It’s almost as though Seagal thinks he’s starring in a good movie.  I assure you, Steven – may I call you Steven? – that is not the case. 

In the curiously titled Out for a Kill, Seagal plays an archeologist, arguably the biggest stretch since Denise Richards played a “nuclear physicist” Bond girl.  But, if the movie is to be believed, Seagal is not only an excellent archeologist he is a prestigious, AWARD winning one who we see accepting a trophy for, I kid you not, “Excellence in Archeology” at a banquet complete with copious flashing light bulbs.  There’s certainly no event that the media savors like a lumbering archeologist’s acceptance speech.  (continue reading…)

If Jersey Shore and Housewives of Truth or Consequences, NM didn’t kill whatever dignity television had left, this oughta do it: “(CBS)’s new mulch-ethnic family comedy series ¡Rob! starring Rob Schneider will air in the Thursday 8:30 PM slot beginning January 12.”

Could it be?  Could we have located longtime absentee SnarkCriticPop co-founder Tom Stephens?  Our missing blogger hotline received this anonymous tip:

A Vandalia man is suspected of breaking into a family’s home while high on bath salts and setting up Christmas decorations.

I usually don’t dig rap, much less dirty, profane rap (obligatory parental warning), but I’ll make an exception for this Star Wars/Boba Fett inspired ditty:

It’s bear vs. tree, as represented by the Cal Bear (yea!) vs. the Stanford Tree (booooo!). When Mascots attack, the greatest unproduced Fox show show since the Simpsons spin-off “Chief Wiggum, P. I.”. For the record, as a bear blogger, bears have the utmost respect for trees. But they need to know their place as the bathroom of the woods. Here it is, an old video from ESPN, but a good one nonetheless: (continue reading…)