Snark, Critic and Pop!

After seeing the SyFy Channel Original Movie Lost City Raiders, I felt ripped off.  Lost City Raiders is NOT just a low-budget knock-off/mash-up of the TV show Lost, the classic Star Trek episode City On The Edge of Forever, and Raiders of the Lost Ark as I anticipated.  Instead, Lost City Raiders is essentially a combination of two of the more silly movies of my lifetime, the Da Vinci Code and Waterworld. 

The Da Vinci Code was the movie adaptation of the novel that postulated that Jesus descended from the Keebler Elves, or something equally plausible.  Waterworld was the epically big budget, silly, water encrusted, post-apocalyptic thriller (aquacalyptic?).  Waterworld is best remembered for featuring Kevin Costner drinking his own urine.  How can one possibly combine an underwater train wreck and a theological quagmire?  With sheer, SyFy Channel incompetence, of course! (continue reading…)

The world’s worst director, Uwe Boll, is back from the gutter! And this time he’s bringing Dolph Lundgren with him. It’s In The Name of the King 2!

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Breaking news: There’s a Republican Presidential candidate named Jon Huntsman. Who knew? Not the inhabitants of a Trader Joe’s located only nine blocks from the White House, where Jon Huntsman visited entirely unrecognized. Well, apparently Mr. Huntsman’s attractive daughters, who have decided to contribute to their father’s soon to be abysmally failed candidacy with a song. At number 20 on this week’s countdown, it’s the Huntsman Girls with “Bringing Hunstman Back.” (continue reading…)

Tin Tin is director Steven Spielberg’s first animated film, and it’s a home run.  Based on the series of graphic novels by famed Belgian artist/writer Herge, Tin Tin is both true to the source material and vintage Spielberg.

The plot follows a young reporter, Tin Tin (Jamie Bell) and his dog Snowy.  (Insert Rin Tin Tin joke here.)  Tin Tin purchases a model ship, and is immediately beset by multiple parties who seek to acquire the ship by any means necessary.  Sensing a story, Tin Tin looks into the history of the ship the model is based on, the famed Unicorn.  Soon Tin Tin is thrust into a mystery that spans the globe, finding himself pitted with the descendant of the Unicorn’s commander, Captain Haddock, fighting for their survival against treasure hunters who will stop at nothing to acquire the Unicorn’s booty.  So to speak. (continue reading…)

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Merry Christmas, everybody!

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In the grand scheme of things, 2011 was a bit lackluster in the “big movie” department. Some good Summer fare, nothing really blew me away. 2012 is looking quite extremely rather marvelously good, however. Where to begin? Where better than the Hobbit Part 1, which comes out December 2012:

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Like many hapless Americans, I have been looking forward to the next Pixar movie Brave.  Not because it’s from Pixar — the computer animated studio responsible for a number of classic films such as Wall-E, Finding Nemo, & Toy Story.  And certainly not because Brave appears to be a family friendly tale of a red-haired girl in a tribe of Scots earning her place via courage (a.k.a. bravery).

No, I simply assumed Brave was based on the life story of Major League Baseball franchise the Atlanta Braves.  The little red-headed girl clearly a stand-in for Braves great Chipper Jones.  Fortunately, the Atlanta Braves are suing Pixar to cease and desist this fraud. 

Think it seems frivolous?  I dare you to watch the trailer and try not to imagine Brave is closely affiliated with the Atlanta Braves.  The two are interchangeable in my mind now. (continue reading…)

“Who rattled the fish? Tell the truth”