Snark, Critic and Pop!

The Asylum’s upcoming releases, or as we at Snark Critic Pop like to call it movie night: (continue reading…)

The Back Alley Film Series in Charlotte continues this week with the Brazillian film ”Elite Squad – The Enemy Within“, directed by José Padilha.  The film will be showing on Thursday, February 9th at 7:30pm at Crownpoint Stadium 12.  Tickets are $5 for CFS members and $8 for the general public.  BAFS describes the film as:

After a prison riot, Captain Nascimiento, now a high ranking security officer in Rio de Janeiro, is swept into a bloody political dispute that involves government officials and paramilitary groups.

There are two kinds of people in the world.  1) Those who cannot fathom spending an hour and a half watching a low-budget movie called 2-Headed Shark Attack.  2)  Cinematic masochists who cannot wait to spend an hour and a half watching a low-budget movie called 2-Headed Shark Attack.   If you’re like me — and I know I am — you just spent 90 of the greatest minutes of your life watching a pre-release copy of 2-Headed Shark Attack (thank you, Asylum!). 

The set-up for Doublemint Jaws munching is a semester on the ocean.  It’s cool Professor Babbish (Charlie O’Connell, appearing mid-way in transformation from brother Jerry O’Connell to pseudo-Kevin Sorbo), his wife/assistant Anne (Carmen Electra), and a very crowded boat full of college students/shark appetizers.  The students are a lively bunch, very compliant at standing two-by-two, an equal distance apart, to allow the 2 headed shark to perform simultaneous chomps to the audience’s delight.  (continue reading…)

I never liked eating veggies, only meat.  But now that I have seen this I want to eat them.  Does this make me a bad person?

This Summer’s big-budget blockbuster Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter will have competition for sheer enjoyment (if not creativity) in its low-budget, mockbuster companion . . . ABRAHAM LINCOLN VS. ZOMBIES!  Only from our friends at the Asylum.  (Pre-production is under way according to the Asylum’s web-site.)

I hope there’s a scene where Lincoln’s famously brief Gettysburg Address is attributed to having to rush off to fend of undead confederates.  

And who plays Lincoln?  Lorenzo Lamas gets my vote.  No matter what — 2012 is looking like it’s gonna be a heck of a year!

A scene from the “classic” Italian post-Atlantis Apocalyptic film Raider of Atlantis. At 1:34 comes what is arguably the greatest worst line in bad movie history:

The good news: One of my favorite actors, Guy Pearce, is back to headlining a big budget, big screen movie! The bad news: It’s in a cliche riddled sci-fi picture that looks to be a combination of Escape From New York, Fortress, and Taken (it even stars Maggie Grace as the damsel in distress!). The premise: In the future, the President’s daughter (Grace) is trapped on a space prison where the inmates have taken control. Enter a escape artist (Pearce) sent to bring her back alive. I ain’t gonna lie: I’m gonna see it. (continue reading…)

What do you get when you mix a Patrick Stewart voice-over, a phone commercial, the gorgeous Milla Jovovich, and zombies? RESIDENT EVIL 5: The Quest For Peace! Resident Evil: Electric Boogaloo. Or, Resident Evil: Retribution, if you will. Watch the trailer, fellow Trailer Watchers! (continue reading…)

Actor Nicol Williamson has died at the age of 75 from esophageal cancer (he actually died back in December, but his family has just released the statement).  A two time Tony award winner, he was also known for having played many famous characters on the big screen such as the wizard Merlin in Excalibur and Hamlet opposite Sir Anthony Hopkins and Marianne Faithful.  But his greatest roll was undoubtedly that of Badger in Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.  In one of the greatest things I have ever seen on IMDB, his first film roll is listed as “Man lighting Major Lockwood’s distorted cigarette (uncredited)” in The Iron Petticoat.

Not quite those morons at PETA, but animal rights activists — America’s Wolf Conservation Center specifically — are protesting the depiction of wolves by Hollywood.  The friendly, neighborly wolf is apparently smeared as potentially not nice in the new survival film “The Grey” starring Liam Neeson, which opens this Friday.  If you’re stranded in the wilderness, perhaps coming across a pack of angry, hungry wolves would be a stroke of luck! The wolves might take you into your pack until you and your brother can found Rome. Says a member of the Center:

“It’s not anything new for wolves to be portrayed as the bad guy in fairy tales, and we don’t take it seriously because it’s fantasy, but this movie is supposed to be real.”

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I’m dipping into the vault for a review of the Asylum’s adaptation of Jules Verne’s classic novel, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea! Say what you will, but this film definitively answers the question: Is Jules Verne’s work now in the public domain where any studio can make a movie and not have to pay royalties? The answer is yes, friends.

Written in 1869, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea comes from a very different age. For example, people knew what a “league” was back then. No, stupid readers, the title does not imply that there are lots of aquatic sport federations. Leagues would be a measure of distance. 20,000 leagues is the equivalent of . . . a long distance.  To give you some perspective, 20,000 leagues was at least twice as far as 10,000 leagues.  And back in ye olden times, going . . . a long distance underwater is really mind boggling. (continue reading…)