Snark, Critic and Pop!

Michael Bay is coming for your wallet, I say we all send him $10 and maybe he won’t make Transformers 4.  Rumor has it that he is re-imagining the franchise so he can get Megan Fox back in.  That rumor was started by me just now and is complete nonsense.  But the truth is that he is going to make a fourth film and I am not going to see it.  He has been working for months on the idea with Steven Spielberg, so one might hope that some talent rubs of on him.  Shia LaBeouf is not expected to be in the film.  Not quite nerdy, not quite tough, you know – Shia LaBeouf!

Our friends at the Asylum have done it again with their new film Celebrity Sex Tape (release date of February 14th, 2012 – just in time for valentines day… I know what one lucky woman is getting this year!).  What the major studios fail to grasp about the sex comedy genre is that getting big name celebrities is not the way to go.  As a viewer, do you really believe Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlakeare awkward with women?  Do you believe that Mila Kunis doesn’t have a full realization of just how incredibly hot she is?  Of course not, and that where it all falls apart.  Sure, they make some money but the movies are forgettable.  Will you remember the plot of Celebrity Sex Tape ten years from now?  No.  Will you remember that you really enjoyed watching it?  Yes.

The film centers around a group of college students who get invited to a party in the Hollywood Hills in payment for doing homework for two in the closet jocks.  One of them winds up having sex with a washed up, drunken, drugged out actress and the other one records it on his cell phone.  When they get home the next day, they show the tape to the one guy who didn’t go and mock him, then decide that leaving him with the phone could have no bad consequences despite the fact that he is webmaster for the site Pornderosa.com… (continue reading…)

Arnold Schwarzenegger is joining the cast of the forthcoming “The Tomb” with Sylvester Stallone.  The film which is slated to be released in 2013 and is directed by Mikael Håfström (A Cowardly Swede) is a prison break flick in which Arnold plays an inmate joining Stallone in an attempt to break out of a prison Stallone designed himself!  The tension is brought about by the fact that any prison designed by Stallone should be easy to break out of because he is so dumb, but he is leading the group trying to break out and he might just be too dumb to do it!

Actor/Comedian Billy Connolly has joined the cast of Peter Jackson’s forthcoming The Hobbit as the dwarven warrior Dain Ironfoot.  Dain becomes King Under the Mountain upon the death of Thorin Oakenshield.  The 69 year old comedian was in the news last week after walking off stage and ending one of his shows early in response to hecklers in the audience.  Aside from his comedy, he has had a successful acting career… he was a late series call up in “Head of the Class” which got him his own spin-off “Billy”.  He also had roles in “Muppet Treasure Island” and “The Last Samuri”.

John Goodman (the wealthy 48 year old polo club founder, not the legendary actor) has legally adoptedhis long time girlfirend Heather Laruso Hutchins, 42.  She is a lucky woman, as Goodman is a class act.  On February 12th, 2010 he ran a stop sign in his Bently and smashed into a car killing Scott Patrick Wilson.  He failed to call the police or an ambulance while leaving the scene on foot.  When the police found and tested him his blood alcohol content was twice the legal limit.  Wilson’s family has filed a civil suit against Goodman which goes to trial next month, however a judge has ruled that money in trust for his children is protected from any potential settlement.  I’m not saying this is a move to use this ruling to protect his assets, but this is a move to use the ruling to protect his assets.  What gets me is this: I would be willing to make the assumption tht after dating for such a long period of time, the couple are having intimate relations.  He has now adopted her, so any action he gets is now incest which I have to believe is illegal.  None of the articles I have read regarding this have even hit at this angle, so perhaps there is something I am missing, but this is all kinds of wrong.

The Asylum’s upcoming releases, or as we at Snark Critic Pop like to call it movie night: (continue reading…)

The Back Alley Film Series in Charlotte continues this week with the Brazillian film ”Elite Squad – The Enemy Within“, directed by José Padilha.  The film will be showing on Thursday, February 9th at 7:30pm at Crownpoint Stadium 12.  Tickets are $5 for CFS members and $8 for the general public.  BAFS describes the film as:

After a prison riot, Captain Nascimiento, now a high ranking security officer in Rio de Janeiro, is swept into a bloody political dispute that involves government officials and paramilitary groups.

I never liked eating veggies, only meat.  But now that I have seen this I want to eat them.  Does this make me a bad person?

Actor Nicol Williamson has died at the age of 75 from esophageal cancer (he actually died back in December, but his family has just released the statement).  A two time Tony award winner, he was also known for having played many famous characters on the big screen such as the wizard Merlin in Excalibur and Hamlet opposite Sir Anthony Hopkins and Marianne Faithful.  But his greatest roll was undoubtedly that of Badger in Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.  In one of the greatest things I have ever seen on IMDB, his first film roll is listed as “Man lighting Major Lockwood’s distorted cigarette (uncredited)” in The Iron Petticoat.

Researchers at the University of Wyoming needed spider silk for their research.  When they tried to set up spider farms, the spiders, who are very territorial set about killing each other.  Being scientists they decided to try again, this time keeping the spiders separate from each other, wait what?  They didn’t?  Instead they decided to put spider genes into goats who now produce spider web milk?  Scientists claim that other than the extra protein in their milk the goats are completely normal.  The Asylum is currently working a film about the experiments called “Spidergoat Nightmare”.

As Norm MacDonald once said… wait, what?

For shame Daniel, for shame.