Snark, Critic and Pop!

yes, the Vanilla Ice movie, which I saw and reviewed in Mega Roos vs. Giant Crappy Movies. I know what I’m doing Friday night!

For those who have never seen The Room, it’s a 2001 indy film that performs a rare feat. It’s the first so-bad-it’s good, low-budget film I’ve seen that is not a action, science fiction, or horror film. It’s a tedious, dull, Skinemax wannabe drama written by, starring, and directed by auteur and potential Balki dialogue coach Tommy “You’re Tearing Me Apart” Wiseau.

I watched it with the Rifftrax commentary, but the movie itself is mesmerising in its own bizarre way. The great meme of the movie is the characters, particularly Wiseau’s character Johnny, greeting people with “Oh, hi.” Watch this Rifftraxed up sample, and it’s all you need to know about the movie — other than the famous “You’re Tearing Me Apart” moment: (continue reading…)

Danny Trejo vs. Zombies!  Though, on the cover, Trejo, featured prominently along with the many face craters he sports, is given third billing behind Levar “Geordi!” Burton (Reading Rainbow) and Mariel Hemingway (Superman IV: The Quest For Peace). 

What’s the subject matter?  You’re right, the subject doesn’t matter.  But, the Asylum website says the plot is this:

When zombies overrun San Francisco, a desperate group survives by locking themselves inside Alcatraz Prison. When the undead breach the island, our heros are forced to return to the mainland overrun with the undead.

We are so there!

The Asylum’s “Age of the Hobbits“, uh… I mean Clash of Empires is now available at Redbox meaning my Friday night is now biz-ay!  Written by Eric Forsberg (Mega Piranha, Snakes on a Train) and Directed by Joseph Lawson (Nazis at the Center of the Earth) and starring Bai Ling and Christopher Judge it sounds every bit of low-budget awesome:

In an ancient age, peace-loving tribe are enslaved by a race of flesh-eating dragon-riders. The young tribesman Goben must join forces with their neighbor giants, the humans, to free his people (continue reading…)

A trailer perhaps too terrifying for even Halloween!

In theaters tomorrow, people! (continue reading…)

Or is it “blackspoitation”? I’m too lazy to google. Anyway, enjoy! (continue reading…)

When you read the IMDB description, this sounds exciting… “For a thousand years, the Reapers guarded mankind from the demons that wait in the dark. Now, at the beginning of a new age, the Reapers are betrayed and slaughtered. Only one Reaper remains – Red, and she’s out to exact revenge.” Then you see the trailer and you know just how exciting it really is (assuming that like me you are a cinematic masochist). This thing boasts six writers for crying out loud! How can it not be awesome!