Snark, Critic and Pop!

Here at SnarkCriticPop, we watch and talk a LOT of movies. Upon occasion watching a movie feels like an obligation for the sake of a good blog (see: Streets of Fire), and I can kind of see why some movie critics hate movies.  I don’t hate movies, but I would like to talk about a fine, seldom used alternative to movie watching, a little something I like to call: READING.

I did some quick research on Wikipedia, and I discovered some interesting facts regarding reading: Did you know that reading was invented by Thomas Edison as a method of exploiting his invention called papyrus, which we now refer to as paper?  Blind people had actually been reading lips for several years prior to Edison, but since they could not find the patent office until it was too late, Edison owns the trademark on reading which is why blind people and astute readers like me have to pay a fee to Edison’s estate any time we read something. (Okay Wikipedia’s not quite THAT bad, but any resource where Howie Mandel can be a contributor on John Adams I don’t trust . . .)

One book I’ve recently been reading is A Year At The Movies by Kevin Murphy.  Murphy, for those who don’t know, is one of the writers and stars of my favorite TV show of all time, Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K), playing the robot Tom Servo and Professor Bobo the Gorilla.  (continue reading…)

Leprachaun 4: In Space is a film about a leprechaun.  In Space.  If we ever discover life on another planet, we should send them this film as a message of greeting and an explanation of what we, the human race, are all about.  If nothing else it would assure them Earth is not worth visiting, and if there is one thing we don’t need more of, it is undocumented aliens.

The great Warwick Davis reprises his role as leprechaun who seems to have infinite powers, and infinitely bad decision skills.  The film opens on a space ship, where space marines who are oblivious to the fact that they seem to be riding in a piece of cardboard and plastic painted to look like a space ship are preparing to attack what can only be assumed is the leprechaun home world.  One of the marines is named Lucky – spoiler alert – guess who dies first!  (continue reading…)

“It’s Distilled Insanity!” (continue reading…)

The Korean version of Godzilla, Yongary, (every country with cinemas and enormous, warm rocks has a mutant lizard problem) gets down with his bad self:

(Thanks to Shannon for sending the vid!)

Often, we here at SnarkCriticPop post about forthcoming flicks that we think are going to be fun/bad.  One such film I posted the trailer of back in Junewas BloodRayne: Third Reich.  From the world’s worst director Uwe Boll (don’t believe me?  Watch this movie) and featuring a leather clad vampire hottie battling Nazis, how could we be wrong?  Well, quite frankly, I’m not entirely sure how, because my brain in some manner of failsafe has wiped the movie from my memory banks. 

I have a distinct memory of plucking BloodRayne: Third Reich from a local RedBox.  I remember taking it excitedly to the Bad Movie Night Crew’s weekly get-together.  And I remember head-achy confusion.  I remember wanting to challenge Uwe Boll to a boxing match, but realizing that I may never regain strength in my arms to eat a Dorito much less box a bad director.  (continue reading…)

Next up from Rifftrax, “Abraxas” starring former pro wrestler turned Minnesota Governor (a natural transition) turned nutjob, Jesse Ventura!

Behold: Crippled Masters! Accoding to IMDB:

Two men skilled in the arts of Kung-Fu are betrayed by their master and crippled for life, one left with no arms and the other with no legs. Despite their obvious disadvantages, they learn to combine their martial arts skills and seek revenge against the evil master.

Might this be the most offensive worst action scene of all time? (continue reading…)

I present to you Turkey’s finest action movie, Death Warrior!

There’s ninjas! Ninjas jumping on trampolines! And the Turkish, kung fu fighting David Hassellhoff! And a jedi mind powered, floating, exploding rock! And a battle versus a burning scarecrow! And did I mention NINJAS!?!

Might this be the greatest worst action scene of all time? Judge for yourself:

River of Darkness is a no holds barred, no-budget allowed, no catering horror film with a tired, familiar theme (think John Carpenter’s The Fog, but on a river!).  Only one thing makes the movie stand out: Wrestlers!

Yes, the casting agent must have confused WrestleMania for an audition reel, as nary a role is filled by someone who never traded arm drags and/or chair shots in the squared circle.  Methinks Sir Anthony Hopkins would have been rejected for his inability to to properly nail the Avalanche Flip Piledriver.

Former Olympic Gold Medal winning actual wrestler turned darn good pro wrestler Kurt Angle plays a small town sheriff investigating a series of brutal murders.  Former WCW mid-carder Ray Lloyd, a.k.a. “Glacier” is Angle’s rival, the diner owner who lost the election for Sheriff to Angle (what was Angle before being Sheriff, the Milk Man?).  Kevin “Diesel” Nash and “Psycho” Sid Vicious are two of the three undead, vengeful zombies causing all the ruckus.  Sadly the zombies basically resemble wrestlers in the middle of mud baths rather than actual zombies. (Wait, what does an “actual zombie” look like?) (continue reading…)

What else do you need to know? Ninjas vs. Vampires!

Finally, a movie that answers that question inquiring minds like ourselves have been posing for years. That question? “Werewolf?” Marty Feldman answered it, “There Wolf” in the Mel Brooks classic Young Frankenstein. But there is another possibility presented in the form of motion picture. That picture is the 1961 classic Werewolf in a Girl’s Dormitory (1961).

Be forewarned, it’s a N-E-R-V-O-R-A-M-A SHOCKER! There’s a scream a minute! Do not see if prone to horror stricken eyes. For the bold, continue: (continue reading…)

No, not the classic Futurama episode “The Devil’s Hands Are Idle Playthings,” but an olde flick starring the original Commissioner Gordon! Enjoy the sample: