Snark, Critic and Pop!

With Shannen Doherty! Oh how the mighty — or, once less weak, I suppose — are fallen!

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Roadhouse! You really get a sense of the movie in these 45 seconds:

Formerly Incredible and formerly the non-acting version of the Incredible Hulk, Lou Ferrigno is back with a new film! The old timer, still in far better shape than I’ve ever been in, plays a secret agent type dude who is also apparently a super hero, The Liberator. The trailer speaks volumes, but I understand very little of it. The film also features Ed Asner as “The President” (there’s a scary thought), Don “the Non-Ricky Steamboat Dragon” Wilson, former basic cable La Femme Nakita Peta (no, not the animal worshipping kind of Peta) Wilson, and Worf! Yes, Michael Dorn sans makeup even has a role.

One question: Where’s the Stan Lee cameo? They really dropped the ball on that one! (continue reading…)

I thought the Super Condor franchise jumped the shark after the top notch Super Condors 7: The Wrath of Koko B. Ware, but here they go again:

Michael Bay is coming for your wallet, I say we all send him $10 and maybe he won’t make Transformers 4.  Rumor has it that he is re-imagining the franchise so he can get Megan Fox back in.  That rumor was started by me just now and is complete nonsense.  But the truth is that he is going to make a fourth film and I am not going to see it.  He has been working for months on the idea with Steven Spielberg, so one might hope that some talent rubs of on him.  Shia LaBeouf is not expected to be in the film.  Not quite nerdy, not quite tough, you know – Shia LaBeouf!

From a featurette on CBS’ Morning Show: (continue reading…)

Look!  Up on the internet!  It’s a bird!  It’s a plain pizza!  It’s another snarky, low-budget, superhero comedy!  This one is called Pizza Man. No, it’s not the Herman Cain movie. *sigh* This Pizza Man stars Malcolm In the Middle’s Frankie Muniz as a loser working in a pizza shop who gains super powers when he eats a experimental tomato.  If there’s any doubt that that the movie lacks blockbuster status, please note that the main villain is played by former pro wrestler Diamond Dallas Page.

You can tell the movie is desperately trying to get internet buzz and street cred by its Celebrity Apprentice dream cast, all-star supporting players that includes: Corbin Bernsen, Shelley Long, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Adam West, Michael Gross, and Stan Lee (he’ll cameo in anything!).  The trailer looks like Pizza Man *may* be entertaining, but methinks it’s trying a wee bit to hard: (continue reading…)

Our friends at the Asylum have done it again with their new film Celebrity Sex Tape (release date of February 14th, 2012 – just in time for valentines day… I know what one lucky woman is getting this year!).  What the major studios fail to grasp about the sex comedy genre is that getting big name celebrities is not the way to go.  As a viewer, do you really believe Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlakeare awkward with women?  Do you believe that Mila Kunis doesn’t have a full realization of just how incredibly hot she is?  Of course not, and that where it all falls apart.  Sure, they make some money but the movies are forgettable.  Will you remember the plot of Celebrity Sex Tape ten years from now?  No.  Will you remember that you really enjoyed watching it?  Yes.

The film centers around a group of college students who get invited to a party in the Hollywood Hills in payment for doing homework for two in the closet jocks.  One of them winds up having sex with a washed up, drunken, drugged out actress and the other one records it on his cell phone.  When they get home the next day, they show the tape to the one guy who didn’t go and mock him, then decide that leaving him with the phone could have no bad consequences despite the fact that he is webmaster for the site Pornderosa.com… (continue reading…)

Arnold Schwarzenegger is joining the cast of the forthcoming “The Tomb” with Sylvester Stallone.  The film which is slated to be released in 2013 and is directed by Mikael Håfström (A Cowardly Swede) is a prison break flick in which Arnold plays an inmate joining Stallone in an attempt to break out of a prison Stallone designed himself!  The tension is brought about by the fact that any prison designed by Stallone should be easy to break out of because he is so dumb, but he is leading the group trying to break out and he might just be too dumb to do it!

Actor/Comedian Billy Connolly has joined the cast of Peter Jackson’s forthcoming The Hobbit as the dwarven warrior Dain Ironfoot.  Dain becomes King Under the Mountain upon the death of Thorin Oakenshield.  The 69 year old comedian was in the news last week after walking off stage and ending one of his shows early in response to hecklers in the audience.  Aside from his comedy, he has had a successful acting career… he was a late series call up in “Head of the Class” which got him his own spin-off “Billy”.  He also had roles in “Muppet Treasure Island” and “The Last Samuri”.

It’s Nazi’s — in Space! (continue reading…)