Snark, Critic and Pop!

Methinks many movie concepts these days are taken by taking known concepts, creatures, characters, and genres, putting them in a bowl, pulling out two, and voila! There’s your movie idea. Piranhas and . . . Anacondas. Okay, let’s make Piranhaconda! Abraham Lincoln and . . . Zombies! Along those lines: This Saturday, the SyFy Channel original movie is Alien Tornado. Baton down the hatches, bad movie lovers!

Watch the trailer, if you dare! (continue reading…)

I saw the new sci-fi action flick Lockout. 
It was a solid hit, albeit not quite a knock-out. 
It’s the near future inmates take control of a prison in space
During a visit from the President’s cuter daughter played, by Maggie Grace. 
The situation looks grim, the opposition looks fierce,
Time to call on him — that’s right, Guy Pearce?! 

Pearce plays a covert operative turned convict,
Jailed for a crime he did not commit. 
He’s a wise-crackin’, Snake Plissken anti-hero
Perfect for battlin’ baddies in gravity zero. 
Now his ticket to redemption
Is a save-the-damsel suicide mission.  (continue reading…)

Another must see movie (for me, at least) is Looper, from writer-director Rian Johnson (Brick, Brothers Bloom) starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, and Jeff Daniels. Awwwwwww, snap! (continue reading…)

Anaconda 3: Offspring.  Starring David Hasselhoff.  Really, what more do you need to know?

Seriously, why are you still reading this?  Shouldn’t you be bolting for the nearest video store (which, granted, is probably a hundred miles away)?  Go on, you don’t need to read the rest of the blog.  This will still be online when you get back home and after you have watched and immediately rewatched Anaconda 3: Offspring, in order to pick up on all the plot details you may have missed the first time.  I mean, the anaconda was Keyser Soze the WHOLE TIME?  Whoa! 

Perhaps the greatest atrocity of the entire affair is that Anaconda 3: Offspring first aired on television (in the prestigious Sci-Fi Channel Saturday night timeslot, back before they forgot how to spell SyFy) and thus disqualified the film from qualifying for an Academy Award due to the most absurd of technicalities.  David Hasselhoff ascends to the status of Hollywood Legend with his performance as the revered snake wrangler known only as “Hammett.”  The way Hasselhoff recites his lines, you’d swear you were listening to Hamlet instead of Hammett.  (continue reading…)

It’s a Trap? It’s a song!

I recently rewatched Equilibrium, which came out some ten years ago. It’s basically the Matrix meets Farenheit 451 meets George Orwell’s 1984. Sadly Equilibrium’s NRA friendly form of hand-to-hand combat “gunfu” did not catch on. Equilibrium is a quasi-forgotten sci-fi actioner that’s good but not great, fun but not brilliant. It features pre-Batman Christian Bale before his career took off and Taye Diggs before his career went AWOL. Oh, and Sean Bean. Gotta have Sean Bean. For those who missed it, check it out, for those who saw it relive the memories.
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A movie from Seth MacFarlane, starring Mila Kunis, Mark Wahlberg, and a talking teddy bear. What could possibly go wrong?

It’s How To Make An Entrance, with your teacher, Sho Nuff, the Shogun of Harlem, as seen in the classic 80s B-movie The Last Dragon:

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So it’s come to this. A teaser trailer for the full length trailer for the remake of Total Recall featuring Colin Farrell in the lead: (continue reading…)

It’s a great day to be an American . . . especially if you’re a fan of Rifftrax and/or Mystery Science Theater 3000. Today Rifftrax announced the date of their next live event to be simulcast in theaters:

August 16th, when Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, and Kevin Murphy will revisit “Manos” The Hands of Fate live in theaters nationwide! Torgo is back, and he’s lamer than ever!

For those who don’t know, Manos: The Hands of Fate is inarguably the worst film ever made. It’s virtually unwatchable and incomprehensible without the riffing. Try to watch it sans commentary, I dare you. But, if you’re feeling quasi-daring, just check out this “Best of the MST3K Manos episode” youtube montage: (continue reading…)

This is a redband trailer, which means it’s all naughty, violent, and profane. But, it’s FDR: American Badass! Franklin Delano Roosevelt in a machine gun blasting wheelchair fighting werewolf Nazis. Werewolf Nazis whose attack causes FDR’s bout with polio. Actually quote: “I think the werewolf came from Germany.”

One of SnarkCriticPop’s favorite actors — Barry Bostwick, the actor who actually thought about his role in an Asylum film, 2010: Moby Dick, and built his own gun to use in the movie — plays Roosevelt. This FDR drops such quotes in the trailer as: “Playa to playa, pimp to pimp, I appreciate it.” And: “I’m a motorcycle of death, I ain’t got no sidecar.” If that’s not enough, according to imdb.com Kevin Sorbo plays Abraham Lincoln. Say what? Watch and believe: (continue reading…)

The Asylum’s mockbuster version of Liam Neeson’s forthcoming turd er Battleship movie, starring Mario Van Peebles and Carl “I Guess Those Rocky Royalties Have Dried Up” Weathers: