Snark, Critic and Pop!

Kinda funny, kinda creepy, from Indiana:

SOUTH BEND, Ind. – Imagine coming home to a clean house, your laundry folded and dinner made. It’s a dream come true for most people, but for one South Bend woman it was a shocking and unwelcome invasion of her home. (continue reading…)

From a featurette on CBS’ Morning Show: (continue reading…)

From my source of news, The South African:

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa — When news spread that Zulu folk singer Khulekani “Mgqumeni” Khumalo had returned from the dead, thousands of fans descended on his rural home.

The man claiming to be Khumalo, an award-winning traditional maskandi musician who apparently died in 2009, said he had been kept captive by zombies who wanted to put a nail into his head. (continue reading…)

John Goodman (the wealthy 48 year old polo club founder, not the legendary actor) has legally adoptedhis long time girlfirend Heather Laruso Hutchins, 42.  She is a lucky woman, as Goodman is a class act.  On February 12th, 2010 he ran a stop sign in his Bently and smashed into a car killing Scott Patrick Wilson.  He failed to call the police or an ambulance while leaving the scene on foot.  When the police found and tested him his blood alcohol content was twice the legal limit.  Wilson’s family has filed a civil suit against Goodman which goes to trial next month, however a judge has ruled that money in trust for his children is protected from any potential settlement.  I’m not saying this is a move to use this ruling to protect his assets, but this is a move to use the ruling to protect his assets.  What gets me is this: I would be willing to make the assumption tht after dating for such a long period of time, the couple are having intimate relations.  He has now adopted her, so any action he gets is now incest which I have to believe is illegal.  None of the articles I have read regarding this have even hit at this angle, so perhaps there is something I am missing, but this is all kinds of wrong.

This Summer’s big-budget blockbuster Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter will have competition for sheer enjoyment (if not creativity) in its low-budget, mockbuster companion . . . ABRAHAM LINCOLN VS. ZOMBIES!  Only from our friends at the Asylum.  (Pre-production is under way according to the Asylum’s web-site.)

I hope there’s a scene where Lincoln’s famously brief Gettysburg Address is attributed to having to rush off to fend of undead confederates.  

And who plays Lincoln?  Lorenzo Lamas gets my vote.  No matter what — 2012 is looking like it’s gonna be a heck of a year!

Actor Nicol Williamson has died at the age of 75 from esophageal cancer (he actually died back in December, but his family has just released the statement).  A two time Tony award winner, he was also known for having played many famous characters on the big screen such as the wizard Merlin in Excalibur and Hamlet opposite Sir Anthony Hopkins and Marianne Faithful.  But his greatest roll was undoubtedly that of Badger in Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.  In one of the greatest things I have ever seen on IMDB, his first film roll is listed as “Man lighting Major Lockwood’s distorted cigarette (uncredited)” in The Iron Petticoat.

Not quite those morons at PETA, but animal rights activists — America’s Wolf Conservation Center specifically — are protesting the depiction of wolves by Hollywood.  The friendly, neighborly wolf is apparently smeared as potentially not nice in the new survival film “The Grey” starring Liam Neeson, which opens this Friday.  If you’re stranded in the wilderness, perhaps coming across a pack of angry, hungry wolves would be a stroke of luck! The wolves might take you into your pack until you and your brother can found Rome. Says a member of the Center:

“It’s not anything new for wolves to be portrayed as the bad guy in fairy tales, and we don’t take it seriously because it’s fantasy, but this movie is supposed to be real.”

(continue reading…)

Researchers at the University of Wyoming needed spider silk for their research.  When they tried to set up spider farms, the spiders, who are very territorial set about killing each other.  Being scientists they decided to try again, this time keeping the spiders separate from each other, wait what?  They didn’t?  Instead they decided to put spider genes into goats who now produce spider web milk?  Scientists claim that other than the extra protein in their milk the goats are completely normal.  The Asylum is currently working a film about the experiments called “Spidergoat Nightmare”.

There is a lawyer somewhere who has a client, and the two of them think that it is a good idea to sue the family of a dead teen whose body was ripped into pieces when he was hit by a train.  Why you might ask?  Do these people not have any compassion for the grieving family?  No.  You see, one of his body parts flew on to the platform and hit her, breaking her leg and wrist and injuring her shoulder.  So of course she is entitled to a large cash settlement, right?  A state appeals court 

found that it was reasonably foreseeable’ that the high-speed train would kill the college hopeful and fling his body toward a platform where people were waiting. 

Seriously.  And if that wasn’t bad enough (continue reading…)

A 62 foot high statue of Jesus signalling a touchdown has burned to the ground after being struck by lightning.  The fire also burned down the amphitheater at the Solid Rock church.  Luckily noone was injured as the strike occurred late at night, however the insurance companies have determined the culprit.  It was God.  Yes, the insurance company has deemed it an act of God which leaves one free to speculate on what Jesus could have possibly done to elicit such a harsh punishment from his father.  Just remember kids, when your dad sends you to you room, well… you got off easy.  The church is planning to rebuild (they may have, this fire occurred in 2011) however this time they plan to use fire resistant material.

The Belgian fast food chain Quick has launched a black bunned Darth Vader burger to celebrate the upcoming release of The Phantom Menace 3D, a film about senate redistricting.  Called the Dark Vador it has double beef patties, cheese and a light salad topping to go along with the unappetizing bun.  They also make a Jedi burger which from the picture looks slightly less appetizing, but still better than Arby’s.

An early frontrunner for the 2012 Headline of the Year Awards: 

(Dennis) Rodman To Coach Topless Women’s Basketball Team