Snark, Critic and Pop!

PETA is asking a federal count to grant constitutional rights to killer whales who perform at marine parks.  You see, the parks are violating the 13th amendment rights of the animals – it all goes back to the Ahab-Dick trial which divided a nation in 1851 and led Lincoln to declare the civil war on Germany and eventually led to us nuking Cuba.  (Thanks Wikipedia!)  The suit:

 hinges on the fact that the 13th Amendment, while prohibiting slavery and involuntary servitude, does not specify that only humans can be victims.

This is a slippery slope people… if dolphins can’t punch balls through hoops for my amusement, what’s next?  Dolphins having the right to bear arms?  Freedom of speech for dog?  Bears getting the right to vote?  But seriously, they are clogging up the legal system with this idiocy while places like Topeka Kansas can’t even find the funds to prosecute domestic abuse (person on person, no whales involved).

Teen heartthrob Steven Seagal is back in the news!  And this time it’s not his dope music, it’s for allegedly killing a puppy while performing a raid on a suspected cockfighting ring as part of Seagal’s law enforcement reality show.  You know Steven Seagal is in law enforcement now, right?  When you can’t get arrested in Hollywood, become a cop. It’s either that or make Mega Monster movies for the Asylum (Steven Seagal in Mega Rooster vs. Ten Ton Puppy?).

The article (from TMZ, so take it with a grain of salt) states in part, “Seagal arrived to his home on March 9 with a TANK — and rammed into a gate on his property. Seagal was backed up by an MCSO Tactical Operations Unit — armed in full riot gear — which stormed the house. The entire incident was captured by a camera crew taping for Seagal’s reality show, “Steven Seagal Lawman.”“  The alleged rooster raiser claims he raises the animals “for show.”  Yeah, and Brian throws cats in the river to see if they are witches.

In an unrelated story, former convicted dog killer/torturer Michael Vick just signed a $100 million dollar contract with the Philadelphia Eagles.  Maybe some alleged dog cruelty is just what the doctor ordered to get Under Siege 3 greenlit!

The week stared off great for all you bear-huggers out there, as the Ukraine decided to free all of the bearsthey usually torment for fun.  Environment Minister Mykola Zlochevsky was quoted as saying:

“How long can we tolerate animal torture in restaurants where drunken guests make bears drink vodka for laughs?”

How long?  I wouldn’t have set a limit, I would have just let it play out its natural course.  I imagine that would last until shortly after the Earth was destroyed (we know the evil aliens who did it would take these bears with them for their own amusement, but I can’t (continue reading…)