Snark, Critic and Pop!

The Super Mario Brothers motion picture from 1993 is one of the worst films ever made.  A recent article suggests that Tom Hanks and Arnold Schwarzenegger were considered for the movie.  The esteemed Tom Hanks would have been Mario, Arnold would have been the villain King Koopa, a role that would be played by the late Dennis Hopper. 

The only question – -would that have made the film better, or delightfully even worse?

Arnold Schwarzenegger is back, and he’s old. Check out his trailer for a new film, The Last Stand. Oh, how I wish it were true. On the bright side, he’s not in politics anymore! (continue reading…)

I have seen the Expendables 2. I liked it, even though this statement guarantees that I’ll never make it as a New York Times movie critic. Sadly, I can’t cite any rational, quantifiable metric to qualify what it is about the Expendables 2 that I enjoy. But I smiled throughout the entire screening and laughed out loud several times. I didn’t check my watch.

Yes, friends, I admit it: I enjoyed the Expendables 2.

The logical, critical side of my brain can nitpick the movie to pieces. And, to indulge it for allowing me to enjoy the bangs and the booms, I’ll go through some of the points my brain suppressed during the screening. (continue reading…)

Arnold Schwarzenegger says a Twins sequel is happening.  Meanwhile, my spec script for Junior 2 (subtitled: Who Are Mommy Daddy’s Many Lady Friends?) languishes unsold.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is joining the cast of the forthcoming “The Tomb” with Sylvester Stallone.  The film which is slated to be released in 2013 and is directed by Mikael Håfström (A Cowardly Swede) is a prison break flick in which Arnold plays an inmate joining Stallone in an attempt to break out of a prison Stallone designed himself!  The tension is brought about by the fact that any prison designed by Stallone should be easy to break out of because he is so dumb, but he is leading the group trying to break out and he might just be too dumb to do it!

Arnold’s recent scandals will delay his acting return, so we’ll have to make due with this blast from the past. The 160 Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Movie Quotes (to date). Hear the lamentation of the women, people!:

. . . But We Don’t Have To Be Here When He’s Back, Right?

Arnold Schwarzenegger says he’s ready to play the Terminator again. 

Please let the Terminator die with dignity, Hollywood.  1 & 2 were great, 3 laughable, the reboot with Christian Bale/Sam Worthington mediocre at best.  I never saw the Terminator TV show, but the fact they DID a Terminator TV show degrades the value of the franchise (no offense, Summer Glau).  Unless Christopher Nolan or J.J. Abrams says I want to do a Terminator movie, let it go, people!

A compilation of every Arnold Schwarzenegger scream from every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie ever. (Someone had a lot of free time on their hands.)

Warning, some violent and undignified content: (continue reading…)