Snark, Critic and Pop!

 Happy Veterans Day, to all you humans and bears alike.  From deadlinenews.com: 

A BEAR renowned for its help in some of the most significant battles of the Second World War is to have a Hollywood film made about him.

Wojtek, a Syrian brown bear who drank two bottles of beer a day, fought alongside Polish soldiers during the war before spending his final years at Edinburgh zoo. (continue reading…)

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Covered up by pro-human biased historians is the tale of Wojtek, the bear who fought alongside humans and helped win World War II with his superior stategery skills. The tale of Wojtek as described by the BBC:

Acquired as an orphaned cub in Iran, the young Wojtek was soon well-travelled: with the Artillery Supply Command of the Polish Second Corps he saw fighting in the deserts of north Africa, where the Second Corps joined the British fight against Rommel’s forces, and in Italy. . . . (continue reading…)

In the latest tale of bear woe, another bear has gotten hepped up on the goofballs, ending in near tragedy.  “Yogi” (real name withheld for privacy reasons) climbed a tree in a subburban Colorado town and was tranquilized, then for some reason caught as he fell towards the ground.  Based on the picture here, it seems he was going head first and I can only assume had they not caught him everything would have been fine.  No word yet on whether the bear intends to throw himself into traffic.

We all know that Snark Critic Pop has become a hotbed for bear apologists and furry propaganda.  David Booth of the Florida Panthers is doing his best to fight against our bearly tolerable friends (get it?  BEAR-ly tolerable?)  Booth, who is an avid bow hunter took out this 7 foot tall menace and then tweeted this photo as a warning to any other bear out there who might have ideas…

It’s the Memphis Grizzlies Anthem “Home Of The Grizzlies” by my homebear, Young Jai.
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You will believe a bear can fly!

A movie from Seth MacFarlane, starring Mila Kunis, Mark Wahlberg, and a talking teddy bear. What could possibly go wrong?

In an apprent attempt to frighten and confuse anyone who might for some reason be a fan of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays the team will be giving out Zim Bears on June 29th.  The Detroit Tigers will be in town, and what better way to celebrate your team losing, than to go home with something that will undoubtedly give your children nightmares.  The bears were best described at Big League Stew:

…half-crusty old coach Don Zimmer, half-cuddly teddy bear and 100 percent terrifying.

Friends, I know there’s been some unnecessary and unprovoked bear hatred on the blog of late, but I’m here to set the record straight.  We all know that bears are really great.  Hey, that rhymed!  I’ll do some more should I find the time.  May I present to you a series of amazing bear facts?  For example, bears life weights, that’s why they’re really jacked.

• Unlike Brian Alterman, bears are excellent dancers.
• Unlike humans, bears are getting close to a cure for cancer.
• A polar bear can swim for 50 miles.
• Bear fashion never goes out of style.
  They ain’t no endangered species.
  Unlike monkeys, we ask politely before we hurl our feces.
  When we bears rule the world, we will eat you last.
  Who will be first?  The Jersey Shore cast.

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The week stared off great for all you bear-huggers out there, as the Ukraine decided to free all of the bearsthey usually torment for fun.  Environment Minister Mykola Zlochevsky was quoted as saying:

“How long can we tolerate animal torture in restaurants where drunken guests make bears drink vodka for laughs?”

How long?  I wouldn’t have set a limit, I would have just let it play out its natural course.  I imagine that would last until shortly after the Earth was destroyed (we know the evil aliens who did it would take these bears with them for their own amusement, but I can’t (continue reading…)