Snark, Critic and Pop!

Note how careful I was to include that second “p” in the subject! Watch and behold Kobe Bryant proving our tag, Celebrities Shouldn’t Sing:

There isn’t much debate that the big budget musical Rock of Ages was a bomb.  And, it didn’t make a lot of money at the box office either.  It turns out folks aren’t as crazy about seeing a 50 year old Tom Cruise — best known for not singing throughout Mission:Impossible — trying to cover various rock standards while shirtless.  The theatrical version very few people intentionally saw — I heard that Katie Holmes was required to take the kids as part of a divorce settlement. 

But it comes out on DVD Tuesday, and the studio fixed the problem: An extended addition!  Instead of two hours of terrible musical movie, now you can see two and a half frickin’ hours!  Huzzah! (continue reading…)

Submitted without comment…

But the man can rap!
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If you’re like me, and I know I am, I usually wait for various celebrities to weigh in on news items and political elections before I make up my own mind. For example, I only voted for John McCain after Jon Voight told me it was a good idea. And my rabid support for the great communist politician who shuts down media he doesn’t like, Hugo Chavez, was after Sean Penn’s well thought out endorsement.

Enter Megadeth’s lead singer, Dave Mustaine. Megadeth is a band that plays some manner of music, I’m told. Mustaine uncorked the mother of all idiotic and unfounded conspiracy theories the other day. Various shootings around the country are being faked to pass a gun ban — it’s so obvious, why hadn’t I thought of it! Mustaine from the stage said that President Obama is “staging all of these murders, like the Fast and Furious thing down in the border, in Aurora, Colo. all the people that were killed there, and now the beautiful people in the Sikh temple.” Don’t believe it’s true. There’s video: (continue reading…)

A music video tied in with the original Jean-Claude Van Damme-Mickey Rourke team-up, Double Team. Of course, Rourke was just the throwaway villain, and JCVD’s billed co-star was non-actor/basketball player Dennis Rodman. What can possibly go wrong? Behind the music video, check out the trailer for the film.
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You can’t argue with the sweet, melodic voice of WWE wrestler the Undertaker. This Sunday the Undertaker goes for his 20th consecutive WrestleMania victory against Triple H, and Vegas oddsmakers heavily favor the Undertaker. Rumors the contest is fixed are baloney, of course. And this little ditty reveals that the “Dead Man” may have missed his calling as a professional singer rather than a professional wrestler. Of course, the inarguably mesmerizing results are quite possibly the work of studio magic, and no doubt a A-list song writer.

The lyric “Rotting flesh/Moving carcass” is the one that brought me to tears. This may as well be the first song where the singer makes the promise to “embalm” his listeners. Paul Bearer’s guitar skills certainly must have come in handy as well: (continue reading…)

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Breaking news: There’s a Republican Presidential candidate named Jon Huntsman. Who knew? Not the inhabitants of a Trader Joe’s located only nine blocks from the White House, where Jon Huntsman visited entirely unrecognized. Well, apparently Mr. Huntsman’s attractive daughters, who have decided to contribute to their father’s soon to be abysmally failed candidacy with a song. At number 20 on this week’s countdown, it’s the Huntsman Girls with “Bringing Hunstman Back.” (continue reading…)

And she pulls it off properly, with tongue planted firmly in cheek: (continue reading…)

Saturday, I reviewed Olympic wrestler turned pro wrestler Kurt Angle’s acting in River of Darkness.  Bottom line, he’s not very good (yet).  A few years ago, he came out with a song.  He wasn’t very good.  And he never will be.