Snark, Critic and Pop!

Starring: Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris’ Right Fist, Chuck Norris’ Left Fist
Directed By: Don Hulette (under supervision of Chuck Norris’ Feet)

I just saw Breaker! Breaker!, good buddy!  And for some reason I feel compelled to use as many exclamation points as possible!  Yea!  Exclamation points!!!!

Breaker!  Breaker! is a movie that hearkens back to a time (barely) before my birth, 1977, when C.B. radios were all the rage.  C.B. radios consisted of people chatting in trucks or various rooms, often under the guise of “handles” suck as “Big Jake” or “Rubber Duck” or “Oily Pete.”  C.B. radios were the communication engine for truckers, who used it to warn each other of police stakeouts, truck stops with bad chili, and to rant about various conspiracy theories.  So, in short, C.B. radios paved the way for cell phones and served a great national good by entertaining truckers until CD players, books on tape, and lengthy yet dignified silence came to popularity.

For reasons yet unknown (and grossly explored by social historians), big rig trucks and truckers were quite popular in the 70s.  Hollywood took notice.  Truckers were a cottage industry, the subject of not only movies but TV shows (B.J. & the Bear), songs (“Convoy”), books (Hardy Boys and the Mystery of the Greasy Truckstop), and movies. (continue reading…)

I have seen the Expendables 2. I liked it, even though this statement guarantees that I’ll never make it as a New York Times movie critic. Sadly, I can’t cite any rational, quantifiable metric to qualify what it is about the Expendables 2 that I enjoy. But I smiled throughout the entire screening and laughed out loud several times. I didn’t check my watch.

Yes, friends, I admit it: I enjoyed the Expendables 2.

The logical, critical side of my brain can nitpick the movie to pieces. And, to indulge it for allowing me to enjoy the bangs and the booms, I’ll go through some of the points my brain suppressed during the screening. (continue reading…)

From the “I know it’s not going to be good, but man I can’t wait to see it anyway” department, the teaser trailer for the Expendables 2! Chuck Norris!!!! Jean-Claude Van Damme!!!! What else do you want?

It may be the end of the world as we know it, but I feel fine.  As long as I live long enough to see:

1. J.J. Abrams signed on to direct Star Trek 2.  (Yea!  Loved the Trek reboot, and Abrams’ influence all but guarantees awesomeness.  Naveen Andrews for Khan makes it official!)
2. Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme signed for Expendables 2.  (Dampening the enthusiasm somewhat: The article does state they’re trying to get Nicolas Cage — garrrrrrrrr!!!!!)

I know just what you want. Chuck Norris:

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Hockey is a sport Chuck Norris would love to play.  Unfortunately anyone who has ever played against him is dead.  But his love of hockey lives on with Dallas Stars goalie Kari Lehtonen’s helmet which has Walker, Texas Ranger in all his glory.  He didn’t want Chuck Norris on there, but he had no choice.  Chuck wanted to be there.  Rumor has it if you skate near the crease you risk a roundhouse kick to the head!