Tag: Communism Is Fun!
As reported by no less than the Associated Press.
The online version of China’s Communist Party newspaper has hailed a report by The Onion naming North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un as the “Sexiest Man Alive” – not realizing it is satire.
The People’s Daily on Tuesday ran a 55-page photo spread on its website in a tribute to the round-faced leader, under the headline “North Korea’s top leader named The Onion’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2012.” (continue reading…)
That’s what the moon gets for daring to speak against our red Chinese masters.
Yes, it’s true – next year, China will be attempting their first moon landing. Hey, China, while you’re up there, can you see if you can find America’s keys. We might have dropped them there five decades ago. No truth to the reports that the Chinese moon shot is motivated by rumors of moon people having two children, by the by.
So what if the Communist regime has been starving their human population for decades with its incompetant rule? Now they’re abusing bears! Innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnvade! (But seriously, while I’m not a huge animal rights guy — especially when you contrast this with starving kids in the same country, this is pretty disgusting.)
Cheerleaders at the airport? Now being stridently frisked before boarding doesn’t seem so bad. Oh. It’s in China. I suppose sexy cheerleaders is an even trade-off for foregoing my human rights and living under the thumb of communism. Count me in, comrade! So says the article:
While some Chinese travelers storm the tarmac when flights get delayed, others might wish their flights never take off — assuming they’re flying from the northeast China city of Dalian. (continue reading…)
Time.com reports: “A sort of silent shame has cropped up in South American cities, as officials plead with both drivers and pedestrians to obey traffic laws by using the antics of hired mimes. . . The latest effort has about 120 mimes on the downtown streets of Venezuela’s capital, Caracas, making a (silent) scene any time a driver or pedestrian disobeys a traffic rule.”
Soooooooo many jokes, so little mime. War is hell – ban land mimes! I’m sorry, officer, I didn’t see that Stop Mime back that. A mime is a terrible thing to waste. If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? Try your own mime joke, feel free to borrow any of mime.
The Way Back is a gut wrenching drama about the (debatably) true story of a group of escapees who escaped from a Soviet gulag in Siberia during World War II and walked to freedom in India – a 4,000 mile trek. The film is based on a sensational book with the more appropriate title, The Long Walk. “The Long Walk” makes sense, as 4,000 miles is indeed a considerable journey by any mode of transport, let alone foot. “The Way Back” suggests a return to a place one has been, and none of the escapees are from India. I suppose in a metaphysical sense their odyssey is the “way back” from the enslavement and oppression of Stalin’s Soviet Union to freedom. (continue reading…)
In a shocking and inarguably scientific poll from North Korea, the “global happiness index” ranks North Korea and its allies as the most chipper and delightful places to live. The North Koreans aren’t totally deluded by their flawless, Fearless Leader that they alone are the pinnacle of joy and bliss. No, the fellow communist country China ranks number one on the poll! Don’t believe that China is a land of happiness? Just ask the China teen who sold his kidney to buy an iPad2. (China is particularly happy if you don’t want to do something crazy like believe in a God, else you’re pretty likely to be thrown in jail). Ever the pragmatists, North Korea is only the second happiest place to live according to the poll.
And where does the good ol’ USA fall? Despite DisneyWorld, free speech, DisneyLand, free elections, and Oprah’s very own cable network, we are dead last at 203rd. (continue reading…)
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