Snark, Critic and Pop!

What better way to spend a lazy Saturday afternoon than going Out for a Kill?  This Steven Seagal direct-to-DVD endeavor is primarily noteworthy as it was the first movie produced with Confusovision 3000!  The groundbreaking Confusovision 3000 editing process (patent pending) renders understanding plot details virtually unknowable. 

The year is 2003.   They were better times in many ways.  No one knew who Justin Bieber was.  If you said “Lady Gaga” they would assume you were talking about a baby girl.  It’s shortly after Steven Seagal’s last big-screen feature film fizzled (Half Past Dead) in 2002.   Now he’s starring in low budget crap like Out For A Kill.  But, from the look in Steven Seagal’s eye – I think it’s called “hope” – Seagal hasn’t quite accepted his fate of reality shows, border patrols, musical sideshow, and z-movie star.  It’s almost as though Seagal thinks he’s starring in a good movie.  I assure you, Steven – may I call you Steven? – that is not the case. 

In the curiously titled Out for a Kill, Seagal plays an archeologist, arguably the biggest stretch since Denise Richards played a “nuclear physicist” Bond girl.  But, if the movie is to be believed, Seagal is not only an excellent archeologist he is a prestigious, AWARD winning one who we see accepting a trophy for, I kid you not, “Excellence in Archeology” at a banquet complete with copious flashing light bulbs.  There’s certainly no event that the media savors like a lumbering archeologist’s acceptance speech.  (continue reading…)