Snark, Critic and Pop!

yes, the Vanilla Ice movie, which I saw and reviewed in Mega Roos vs. Giant Crappy Movies. I know what I’m doing Friday night!

Danny Trejo vs. Zombies!  Though, on the cover, Trejo, featured prominently along with the many face craters he sports, is given third billing behind Levar “Geordi!” Burton (Reading Rainbow) and Mariel Hemingway (Superman IV: The Quest For Peace). 

What’s the subject matter?  You’re right, the subject doesn’t matter.  But, the Asylum website says the plot is this:

When zombies overrun San Francisco, a desperate group survives by locking themselves inside Alcatraz Prison. When the undead breach the island, our heros are forced to return to the mainland overrun with the undead.

We are so there!

How have I never seen THIS?

Saturday, November 10th, the SyFy Channel original movie will be no less than . . . (dramatic pause) . . . GHOST STORM.  Could it be they picked up my unsolicited screenplay of the vile Hurricane Katrina, raised from the weather front equivalent of hell to haunt New Orleans from beyond the grave?  Alas, no, the plot appears to be original.  The description from imdb.com reads:

An action packed chase led by Hal and Ashley to save the people on this small island from a strange electrical storm which is led by angry souls from a mass suicide looking for revenge.

We can’t wait, SyFy!

A trailer perhaps too terrifying for even Halloween!

Oh, SyFy Channel, you’ve done it again! Can you say Aladdin & the Death Lamp at 7 o’clock (Eastern), followed immediately by Pegasus vs. Chimera at 9 o’clock?

Pegasus vs. Chimera stars Sebastian Roché, 80s star Rae Dawn Chong, and — can it be?! — Old Hickory himself, Andrew Jackson! There isn’t much information for the film available on the world wide interwebs, but inside sources and the trailer posted below seem to indicate the plot involves some manner of conflict between the mythological beasts Pegasus & Chimera. Here’s hoping Pegasus comes out the victor, and can star in the sequel I’m penning, Pegasus vs. My Little Pony. More information as it develops, friends.

Even more mysterious is Aladdin & the Death Lamp. Other than the SyFy blurb (“To save the world, Aladdin must wager everything to get an evil Jinn back into his lamp”), I can’t even seem to find an imdb page for this. A search for Aladdin & the Death Lamp leads me to a half-dozen versions of “Aladdin & the Wonderful Lamp.” No, IMDB, I seek a film much less wonderful. Needless to say, expect a much less entertaining and pleasant genie than Robin Williams, though hopefully less hairy as well. (continue reading…)

Unfortunately, there isn’t really a formula for producing quality movies. Studios often think they have found it, but once sound formulations disintegrate over time (see: M. Night Shyamalan + Twist Ending = Money). I recently found a movie that I firmly believed had “it” – a formula that could not be denied. Hobbit + Guy From Army of Darkness * Die Hard = Fun.

I speak (or “I write,” for you literalists) of a movie called “Icebreaker.” Icebreaker is not the tale of the overweight polar bear or a how-to on picking up girls, but rather an action flick staring Sean Astin and THE one and only Bruce Campbell. Not just an action movie movie, but a Die Hard knock-off in a Vermont ski resort! Yet the movie stunningly, shockingly fails to entertain, either on the legitimate entertainment level or on the fun/bad level. (continue reading…)

The trailer for Birdemic 2: The Resurrection is here! Now with dino-birds and zombies! Cancel the Academy Awards, we have our winners in EVERY CONCEIVABLE CATEGORY:

Forget the Expendables, we gotta see the forthcoming direct-to-DVD “One in the Chamber,” featuring the much requested battle of Dolph Lundgren and Cuba Gooding, Jr. Yes, it’s Drago vs. Radio!

I can’t believe it’s a real movie, and available to rent at the Redbox in Blu Ray!

Partridge Family kid Danny Bonaduce. Brady Bunch kid Barry Williams. Bigfoot. Saturday Night. SyFy Channel. Sentence Fragments. To see the trailer, go here (couldn’t find embed code).