Snark, Critic and Pop!

I have seen the Expendables 2. I liked it, even though this statement guarantees that I’ll never make it as a New York Times movie critic. Sadly, I can’t cite any rational, quantifiable metric to qualify what it is about the Expendables 2 that I enjoy. But I smiled throughout the entire screening and laughed out loud several times. I didn’t check my watch.

Yes, friends, I admit it: I enjoyed the Expendables 2.

The logical, critical side of my brain can nitpick the movie to pieces. And, to indulge it for allowing me to enjoy the bangs and the booms, I’ll go through some of the points my brain suppressed during the screening. (continue reading…)

A music video tied in with the original Jean-Claude Van Damme-Mickey Rourke team-up, Double Team. Of course, Rourke was just the throwaway villain, and JCVD’s billed co-star was non-actor/basketball player Dennis Rodman. What can possibly go wrong? Behind the music video, check out the trailer for the film.
(continue reading…)

From the “I know it’s not going to be good, but man I can’t wait to see it anyway” department, the teaser trailer for the Expendables 2! Chuck Norris!!!! Jean-Claude Van Damme!!!! What else do you want?

I have been pretty hard on Jean-Claude Van Damme in the past, especially in my runaway bestseller Mega Roos vs. Giant Crappy Movies.  But good ol’ JCVD is one of the best things in the subject of today’s rant, 1999’s Universal Soldier: The Return.  I’m sad to say that this was the last big budget, mass marketed Van Damme movie to date.  Tragic.  It’s a shame because when compared to the acting skills of co-star Bill Goldberg, Jean-Claude Van Damme looks like an Academy Award winner. 

This is ironically a variation of the technique Sylvester Stallone & Napoleon Bonaparte used in their prime.  Stand by someone smaller, you appear taller in comparison.  This is the only reason a sane movie star like Stallone would voluntarily pair himself on screen twice opposite diminutive comedian Rob Schneider.  I also believe this is why Estelle Getty was chosen – of all the qualified Golden Girls – for that career making role in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.  Everyone knew that role was made for Rue McLannahan, but Getty was the shortest. 

But I digress. (continue reading…)

It may be the end of the world as we know it, but I feel fine.  As long as I live long enough to see:

1. J.J. Abrams signed on to direct Star Trek 2.  (Yea!  Loved the Trek reboot, and Abrams’ influence all but guarantees awesomeness.  Naveen Andrews for Khan makes it official!)
2. Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme signed for Expendables 2.  (Dampening the enthusiasm somewhat: The article does state they’re trying to get Nicolas Cage — garrrrrrrrr!!!!!)

That’s it. Just wanna wish happy B-day to action movie star Jean Claude Van Damme.

No jokes. No goofy videos. Just a very happy birthday wish to one of our favorite kickboxing Belgians.

Really. That’s it. No mas. Nothing to see here. Move along. Go on about your business. Surf elsewhere on the web for further entertainment. Adios, amigos. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here. No Van Damme antics coming up anytime soon. Aloha means goodbye. . . . All right, you talked me into it, here is some JCVD goodness: (continue reading…)

. . . To Jet Li in the Expendables.  According to auteur Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme turned down a role in the Expendables because he did not want to lose to Jet Li.  Stallone said:  “I wanted to set Jean-Claude against Jet Li, but he didn’t want to lose to Jet. He didn’t think that was cool.”

Although it would be awesome to see JCVD get schooled by Jet Li, this is good news for everyone.  If you don’t care for the Muscles from Brussels, Van Damme’s not in the movie, and you’re a winner.  For the Van Damme fans, if you read between the lines properly, you will be glad to discover this means Van Damme saved his money and can turn down a decent job offer.  Kudos to you and your sound financial advisor, Van Damme!

On the heels of my post detailing Sly Stallone’s beating at the hands of Stone Cold Steve Austin, comes this wonderful article chronicling the attempts by a 49 year old Van Dam to get a real honest to goodness fight with 3 time Olympian Somluck Kamsing.  Really?  Does he really think this is a good idea?  This is a guy who looses fights with hotel rooms.  Well, the fight would have to take place abroad as it would never be sanctioned in the US.  He is 49 years old for Pete’s sake! (continue reading…)