Snark, Critic and Pop!

I have seen the Expendables 2. I liked it, even though this statement guarantees that I’ll never make it as a New York Times movie critic. Sadly, I can’t cite any rational, quantifiable metric to qualify what it is about the Expendables 2 that I enjoy. But I smiled throughout the entire screening and laughed out loud several times. I didn’t check my watch.

Yes, friends, I admit it: I enjoyed the Expendables 2.

The logical, critical side of my brain can nitpick the movie to pieces. And, to indulge it for allowing me to enjoy the bangs and the booms, I’ll go through some of the points my brain suppressed during the screening. (continue reading…)

From the “I know it’s not going to be good, but man I can’t wait to see it anyway” department, the teaser trailer for the Expendables 2! Chuck Norris!!!! Jean-Claude Van Damme!!!! What else do you want?

. . . To Jet Li in the Expendables.  According to auteur Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme turned down a role in the Expendables because he did not want to lose to Jet Li.  Stallone said:  “I wanted to set Jean-Claude against Jet Li, but he didn’t want to lose to Jet. He didn’t think that was cool.”

Although it would be awesome to see JCVD get schooled by Jet Li, this is good news for everyone.  If you don’t care for the Muscles from Brussels, Van Damme’s not in the movie, and you’re a winner.  For the Van Damme fans, if you read between the lines properly, you will be glad to discover this means Van Damme saved his money and can turn down a decent job offer.  Kudos to you and your sound financial advisor, Van Damme!

 . . . And it is everything I expected: The Expendables is a super-sized, testosterone-fueled action movie extravaganza.  This is the King of Straight To DVD fare, blown up so large it deserves to be shown in theaters. 

Co-writer-director-star Sylvester Stallone leads a veritable brigade of action movie stars, most of whom saw their best days in the 80s.  There’s explosions, fights, stunts, and many quips, some not entirely terrible.  Stallone gets off one great inside jab at Arnold Schwarzenegger, who makes a cameo along with Bruce Willis.  The story and screenplay is just an excuse for the action and trotting out old favorites for some fresh fights and old fashioned mayhem: (continue reading…)