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Tag: Kevin Nash

REVIEW: River of Darkness (2011)

by on Jul.23, 2011, under Cinematic Masochist, Movies

River of Darkness is a no holds barred, no-budget allowed, no catering horror film with a tired, familiar theme (think John Carpenter’s The Fog, but on a river!).  Only one thing makes the movie stand out: Wrestlers!

Yes, the casting agent must have confused WrestleMania for an audition reel, as nary a role is filled by someone who never traded arm drags and/or chair shots in the squared circle.  Methinks Sir Anthony Hopkins would have been rejected for his inability to to properly nail the Avalanche Flip Piledriver.

Former Olympic Gold Medal winning actual wrestler turned darn good pro wrestler Kurt Angle plays a small town sheriff investigating a series of brutal murders.  Former WCW mid-carder Ray Lloyd, a.k.a. “Glacier” is Angle’s rival, the diner owner who lost the election for Sheriff to Angle (what was Angle before being Sheriff, the Milk Man?).  Kevin “Diesel” Nash and “Psycho” Sid Vicious are two of the three undead, vengeful zombies causing all the ruckus.  Sadly the zombies basically resemble wrestlers in the middle of mud baths rather than actual zombies. (Wait, what does an “actual zombie” look like?) (continue reading…)

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REVIEW: Almighty Thor (2011)

by on May.22, 2011, under Movies

When there’s a big budget, big hype, big marketing push Summer blockbuster coming like Thor, there is a good chance our pals over at the Asylum Studios are going to capitalize with a similarly themed, similarly named, much different budgeted mockbuster.  Hence, “Almighty Thor.”  (The title may be the most clever thing about Almighty Thor, as Marvel Comics’  Thor series is famously dubbed “Mighty Thor.”)

Brian and I watched Almighty Thor just last night, and I confess that am already foggy on the details of the plot.  I originally thought that the Harlem Globetrotters were involved in some strange mix-up involved Asgard and a desert island, but a quick trip to proved that piece was misremembered. (continue reading…)

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TRAILER: The Asylum’s “Almighty Thor” Mockbuster!

by on Apr.21, 2011, under Movies

Featuring Kevin Nash! And Thor running down the streets with a machine gun!

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Wrestlers Shouldn’t Act, And Actors Shouldn’t Wrestle

by on Jan.16, 2011, under Movies

Case in point, an upcoming, low-to-no budget horror film “River of Darkness” starring wrestlers Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash, and “Psycho” Sid. Check out the trailer, if you don’t mind wasting two minutes of your life which you’ll never ever get back: (continue reading…)

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Coming Soon: Monster Brawl (2011)

by on Sep.04, 2010, under Movies

Coming soon to a theater near you… wait, no… coming soon straight to DVD (I would imagine) is Monster Bash.  It’s the story of eight “classic” monsters who fight to the death in a Pay-Per-View wrestling tournament set inside an abandoned graveyard which just happens to be cursed.  Yes, zombies, mummies, werewolves, Frankenstein, and Dracula going at it… oh, the inhumanity!  The film brings together such screen luminaries as Lance Henriksen, Dave Foley, the Mouth of the South Jimmy Hart and former WCW Heavyweight Champion Kevin Nash.

We, the cinematic masochists at can’t be more excited.  We have often thrown around ridiculous ideas, but one this ridiculous makes us realize we are just amateurs.

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