Snark, Critic and Pop!

A quick perusal of the world wide interweb leads me to conclude that there are precious few attempts to properly review the Uwe Boll film Blubberella.  I don’t blame anyone who threw their hands up and said, “nah,” or just said it stunk a skunk on toast.  I understand.  I just saw Blubberella.  I review movies frequently.  I searched for other reviews in a desperate attempt to understand what I had just experienced.

In my mind, I’m trying to think of how to categorize or describe in some way director Uwe Boll’s opus Blubberella. It’s tough, but I’ll try:

To understand Blubberella you have understand Bloodrayne: Third Reich – a tall order. A while ago I reviewed Uwe Boll’s Bloodrayne: Third Reich. B:TR was a bad movie. Not fun/bad, but joyless, soul-suckingly unwatchable bad. Bloodrayne 3 surrounded a sexy half human/half vampire helping the Resistance battle supernatural Nazis during World War II. (continue reading…)

I will not bore you with the story of how I ended up with a copy of Streets of Fire, but let me assure you I did not pay a dime for it.  Yet, ever inquisitive, without foreknowledge of the plot, never reading the back cover or looking it up on imdb.com I watched it.  The front cover promises me a movie starring Michael Pare (who?), Diane Lane, and Willem Dafoe.  The roughly sketched picture of a dashing guy holding a shotgun as a woman is holding on to him in front of gritty streets that do not appear to be on fire.  I’m bold.  I pop in the DVD and press play.

The first clue I’m in for a rough ride is the text reading: “A Rock ‘n Roll Fable.”  Not a good start.  Then more text: “Another Time . . . Another Place.”  Based on these clues one might expect the Star Wars musical, but that’s not the case.  Turns out we’re in the ‘50s of what I think is supposed to be Chicago or New York or maybe it doesn’t matter.  It is a strange, ‘80s version of the ‘50s.  Curious observation: The ‘50s movies about the ‘80s envisioned everyone riding in jet packs and living on moon colonies; ‘80s movies about the ‘50s portray everyone as an idiot.  But I digress. . . (continue reading…)

Yes folks, Uwe Boll is still alive.  After Bloodrayne: The Third Reich I would have thought someone would have put him out of his misery.  Now he is making a new film and if forced to watch it I can only ask that you, my loyal reader will put me out of mine.  Blubberella is the story of something I am fairly sure, but I have no desire to find out what.  This is what IMDB has to say:

“An action comedy centered on an overweight woman whose footsteps cause explosions and whose dual swords are used against anyone who makes fun of her.”

Now, if ye be brave of heart (continue reading…)