Snark, Critic and Pop!

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson is turning into a one-man vigilante, or perhaps he’s doing some on-set research on a Death Wish remake.  From the Toronto Sun:

Dwayne Johnson showed off his tough guy credentials for real by tackling a gang of would-be burglars on the set of the new The Fast and the Furious film, according to a U.K. report.

The wrestler known as The Rock is said to have caught sight of a group trying to break into vans containing expensive equipment during the shoot in Hackney, east London. (continue reading…)

Great story out of South Carolina: “Woman Duped Into Buying Wooden iPad.”  Sadly, the woman did not pay for the iPad with wooden nickels.  Also regrettable, wooden iPads do not come with free iTunes downloads of the latest album by the band, The Splinters.  From the story:

 . . .22-year-old Ashley Mcdowell claimed she was buying food at the restaurant when the men approached her. They claimed to have bought iPads in bulk and were selling them for $300. (continue reading…)

In movies, TV, and popular culture, there is often sympathy for thieves.  Oceans Eleven (both versions), The Italian Job (both versions), Clint Eastwood in Absolute Power, Cary Grant in To Catch A Thief, Catwoman (pause to look at that photo of Anne Hathaway in catsuit, now back to the blog), Winona Ryder still gets work, and I could go on and on.  Why?  Perhaps it’s because we can identify with a burglar, because we’ve all at least thought about taking something that didn’t belong to us.  There’s another important factor in fictional burglars being portrayed positively: They steal from someone much worse than they are, like Robin Hood taking from an evil King and giving to the poor or kids taking cereal from a cartoon rabbit.

In real life, burglars and thieves are hideous punks, of course.  Take the idiot rioters this week in England, for example.  One rioter was caught on film stealing from a furniture store, and when asked to defend her actions explained she was ”getting her taxes back.”  No explanation why the British pay their taxes to a furniture store, but now we know why our forefathers wanted freedom from the Brits. 

Of course, there are stupid and wantonly cruel thieves in America.  Take for example this story about a first-year medical resident and Afghanistan veteran who lost his hand in combat, and has had three of his prosthetic hands stolen.  That’s right, I said three.  (continue reading…)

This headline from The New York Daily News says it all:

Group of deaf, mute friends stabbed at bar after thug mistakes sign language for gang signs

(continue reading…)

PETA must be rolling over in their grave.  Amazing, but it has to be true because it’s on WGN:

A motive has been revealed in the Arlington Heights home burglary from three weeks ago, where burglars poisoned the family goldfish by pouring hot sauce, ketchup, mustard and spices into the fish tank.

According to police, a 16-year-old resident broke in and killed the family’s three pet fish by pouring condiments into their tank because he didn’t want to leave any witnesses, even telling an accomplice, “We can’t let them live, they’re witnesses!” (continue reading…)

From those wonderful folks at the Smoking Gun comes the tale of a man who decided to pleasure himself on board a flight while sitting next to a 17 year old girl, then came up with the worst excuse ever.  Rafael Escamilla was arrested for allegedly masturbating on board a flight from Salt Lake City, to Iowa.  He told police he was merely  “massaging and itching himself because he had spilled Tabasco sauce on his penis.” Care to reread that?  I didn’t think so.  Now any reasonable person would have lied and said they were reading Snooki’s new book and contracted Gonorrhea from it.  Sure you have have to admit you read what she calls a book, but hey, it’s better than being a registered sex offender, right?  No?  Well, I guess not, but it carries a shorter sentence.

Staggering story out of Atlanta:

A man wearing a ski mask and holding a gun walked up to the drive-through window of an Atlanta Wendy’s about 11:15 Saturday night. He told an employee to put the cash drawer on the counter. . . .

In one call he said that “next time there better be more than $586.” He made “a similar threat” in the second call, police said.
*Legal disclaimer: The Hamburglar has a solid alibi and is not considered a prime suspect by the police.