Snark, Critic and Pop!

Danny Trejo vs. Zombies!  Though, on the cover, Trejo, featured prominently along with the many face craters he sports, is given third billing behind Levar “Geordi!” Burton (Reading Rainbow) and Mariel Hemingway (Superman IV: The Quest For Peace). 

What’s the subject matter?  You’re right, the subject doesn’t matter.  But, the Asylum website says the plot is this:

When zombies overrun San Francisco, a desperate group survives by locking themselves inside Alcatraz Prison. When the undead breach the island, our heros are forced to return to the mainland overrun with the undead.

We are so there!

The Asylum’s “Age of the Hobbits“, uh… I mean Clash of Empires is now available at Redbox meaning my Friday night is now biz-ay!  Written by Eric Forsberg (Mega Piranha, Snakes on a Train) and Directed by Joseph Lawson (Nazis at the Center of the Earth) and starring Bai Ling and Christopher Judge it sounds every bit of low-budget awesome:

In an ancient age, peace-loving tribe are enslaved by a race of flesh-eating dragon-riders. The young tribesman Goben must join forces with their neighbor giants, the humans, to free his people (continue reading…)

Check out the poster for the forthcoming Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, set to be unleashed on January 25, 2013. It’s got Gemma Arterton for the guys, and whats-his-name for the ladies!

And, what’s a big studio movie without the mockbuster? Click More and check out the trailer for the Asylum’s forthcoming Hansel & Gretel film: (continue reading…)

The Asylum is going to be shooting “Age of the Hobbits” in Cambodia soon!  Coming out December 11th, 2012, the film is described as follows:

In an age long ago, the last village of clever, peace-loving Hobbits is attacked and enslaved by the Java Men, komodo-worshiping, dragon-riding cannibals. Now the young Hobbit Goben, along with his father and sister, must seek help from the “giants” (human hunters) to find the Javas’ lair and rescue the last surviving Hobbits, Goben’s mother among them. In their quest to destroy the Javas, the heroic partnership of humans and Hobbits will transform both species forever. (continue reading…)

An Asylum movie, no less, Shark Week debuts this Saturday night!

Our friends at the Asylum have done it again! They found some more great footage that works like a movie. It’s Alien Origin, and it will change the way you think about aliens and origins:

Four score and severed heads ago . . . I have received and screened a pre-release copy of The Asylum Studios latest b-movie, Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies, which will be available to the general public on Tuesday, May 29th.  First off, thank you, Asylum.  Second off, Abe vs. Zombies may well be the Asylum’s most entertaining movie to date.

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies is, of course, the mockbuster answer to the forthcoming, big budget, Tim Burton produced, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.  Abe vs. Zombies is out first, and as far as camp fun, the bar is set very, very high. 

The premise is that our nation’s 16th arguably greatest (apologies to Millard Fillmore) President, Abraham Lincoln, had a bad experience with a zombie outbreak as a youth.  In the aftermath of the battle of Gettysburg, President Lincoln (Bill Oberst Jr.) hears of a new outbreak of the zombie plague in a remote fort.  Realizing that the Civil War will be a moot point should both North and South are overtaken by the walking dead, Abe leads a small, impeccably overdressed team to the fort to curb the zombie menace. (continue reading…)

It’s a double-whammy — a SyFy Saturday night movie, from our pals at the Asylum! It’s American Warships, premeiring around the same time as that other movie Battleship hits theaters. What a coincidink!

Brady Bunch kids Barry Williams & Danny Bonaduce + Asylum Studios + Mount Rushmore + Bigfoot = awesomenss guaranteed!!!!!! 

This is the poster for an upcoming Asylum film which features Bigfoot on Mount Rushmore — what could possibly go wrong?

Come on, May 29th!

(continue reading…)

Fairy tales are in vogue these days (Once Upon A Time on ABC and the NBC series Grimm; movies Jack the Giant Killer, Mirror Mirror, and Snow White and the Hunstman starring Kristen Stewart).  Fairy tales are also public domain (read: no royalties to Brothers Grimm required).  Naturally, this combination is the mating call of our friends at the Asylum.  Their latest mockbuster is Grimm’s Snow White – tagline “MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL ‘TIS THE MOST TERRIFYING OF THEM ALL.” 

It seems fairy tales aren’t for children any more, though.  And Grimm’s Snow White is no different.  This one involves dragons and dead kings and various dark forest magic shenanigans that would send Billy and Suzie crying to Mama. Mama is left to wonder: where are the cute singing dwarves? (continue reading…)