Snark, Critic and Pop!

I saw a familiar title at the Red Box, “Thrill Seekers.” It seems they repackaged the cheap, Casper Van Dien made-for-TV “thriller” which I reviewed years ago on our old site Film Is Pwn. The review appears in the somewhat selling book, Mega Roos vs. Giant Crappy Movies, but since I’m not writing many reviews as I labor with a novel-in-progress, I figured I’d repost for your amusement:

Riddle me this, Batman: What do you get when you cross Yours Truly and a $1 DVD bin at a dollar store?  You get the 1999, made-for-cable, Casper Van Dien lost “classic” Thrill Seekers!!!!

Having just witnessed the film and staring at the DVD case, I must take issue with the false advertising.  The cover, featuring a picture of Casper Van Dien looking slightly concerned as he talks on the phone, promises that Thrill Seekers is “YOUR PASSPORT TO DANGER.”

This is patently untrue.

The entirety of the story takes place in the confines of the United States, mostly Chicago, so no passport is mandatory.  Perhaps they are referring to the fact the film was filmed in Canada standing in for America, and in that case you would need your passport.  Or, it is equally likely that the DVD was intended for a foreign audience, and Thrill Seekers would qualify as a “Passport to Danger” if you were watching in North Korea, though I suspect their citizenry need no passport to experience danger. (continue reading…)

I saw a movie in theaters this week.  It has been a while.  Killing time between work and a glorious, victorious night of Cactus League softball in the lovely metropolis of Waxhaw, NC was just a bonus.  I actually wanted to see Drive.  The trailer made it seem like a cool, film noir version of Jason Statham’s awesome action picture the Transporter.  Heck, Drive had a 93% positive rating on Rottentomatoes.com!  What could go wrong?

I’ll tell you what went wrong – the unnamed, main character of Drive, listed in the credits simply as “Driver.”  (I suppose an homage to the most famous, anonymous anti-hero, Clint Eastwood’s Spaghetti Western character Man With No Name.)  The Driver is played the film’s star, Academy Award nominee Ryan Gosling.  Gosling is a good actor, but whether the problem is with his choice on how to play the Driver or how the Driver was intended, by gum it just did not work for me.  In fact it made me want to stop the film at multiple points just so I could slap the star in the face. (continue reading…)

The Tourist boasts talented A-listers Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp in the lead roles; Jolie the mysterious femme fatale and Depp the victim of mistaken identity that throws him into the crosshairs of Jolie, vicious criminals, and a international police task force.  In theory, story, and casting it all sounds promising.  An attempt at a modern day Hitchcock-style thriller-romantic-comedy. But The Tourist fails to deliver.  Jolie and Depp lack chemistry.  The many chase sequences aim for laughs and exhilaration and yet barely sustain my attention.  The Tourist is depressingly void of those precious commodities joy and thrills.  Do yourself a favor and track down Alfred Hitchcock’s classic North By Northwest, a vastly superior mistaken identify-femme fatale driven thriller.  I spent a dollar plucking The Tourist from the Redbox, and I feel I overpaid by at least half.  If not for The Tourists many shots of exotic Venice and Paris and Jolie, a full refund would be warranted. (continue reading…)