Tag: Twilight Sucks
. . . Until you’ve seen it through the prism of Bad Lip Reading: (continue reading…)
“My Bible burst into flame for some reason”:
The Rifftrax crew composed this terrific song in homage to their classic riff of Twilight. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy, and Michael J. Nelson, movie mockers turned movie mocking singers, with their number one hit, Sparkly Vampires:
And it’s reading the descriptions of books on self-publishing site Lulu.com. (Lulu, publisher of my runaway hit Mega Roos vs. Giant Crappy Movies.) Lulu makes publishing so easy and affordable anyone can do it — and here’s the proof. As a man who has self-published a few novels in his day, I feel sympathy. Twilight wannabes less so. A few gave me a chuckle, this one in particular: (continue reading…)
Pretty much any recipe will lead to number two sooner or later, but it takes very special ingredients to produce “I Am Number Four.” Those ingredients are mainly a healthy dose of Twilight, substituting aliens for vampires, complete with otherworldly, hunky hero going to school as he tries to hide his superpowers as he courts a local beauty (Dianna Agron). There’s one thing that Number Four has that Twilightnever did, though: Bernie Kosar references. Kids love those!!!
The titular Number Four, a.k.a. “John” (Alex Pettyfer) is 1 of 9 extraterrestrial tots who survived their species’ extinction at the hands of some mean, bad guy aliens. (I don’t recall the planet’s name, but I’m pretty sure it was not Krypton.) The 9 are hiding on Earth from the evil aliens who are looking to finish what they started. Presumably due to some manner of obsessive compulsive disorder, the bad guys are compelled to knock off the 9 survivors in order. The first three are down, and now Number Four must lay lower than ever.
These aliens have all manner of ways to track the poor guy, so the first thing Four does is . . . dye his hair blonde. That’ll fool ‘em! (continue reading…)
The nominations for the 31st annual Razzies are out and Twilight: Eclipse tied The Last Airbender with 9 nominations to lead the pack. Despite the fact that Twilight is a blight upon the world, it is hard for me to believe it will be able to slow down the speeding locomotive that is the terribleness of the Last Airbender. M Night Shyamalan also received Razzie nominations for worst director and screenplay. Oh, how the mighty have fallen… it’s like he is Orson Wells and Sixth Sense was his Citizen Kane, except that his failure to live up to it has nothing to do with Randolph Hearst and everything to do with a lack of ideas or film making skills.
This year the Razzies have added a new award: worst eye-gouging misuse of 3D. Don’t let anyone tell you they are not with the times. The biggest drama will be in the worst actress category (continue reading…)
And what movie from 2010 so richly deserves a rowdy, robust riffing? Enjoy this sample: (continue reading…)
To disprove your theory, I present to you the even more appalling trailer for the latest, low-brow parody film aptly titled Vampires Suck. It opens August 18th and thankfully I have other plans. I’m not sure what they will be other than not seeing this film. (continue reading…)
[Editor's note: The following was originally posted Dec 1, 2009 on our old site, Film.IsPwn.com, but in light of the fact the new Twilight movie has opened and none of us are going to see it, we figured it was time to re-post Tom Stephens' delightful rant review of the first book.]
Yeah, I know. It’s a movie blog, not about book reviews. However, these books have created quite a sensation, and they have spawned a series of unfortunate movies.
Also, yeah I know, I did actually read a book with the target audience of 13 yr old girls, and short of a few things I’ll discuss further on I put it about on par with reading something like Clive Cussler. (continue reading…)
PLEASE NOTE: THE VIEWS OF MR. ROOS DO REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF SNARK, CRITIC & POP.
Robert Pattinson, for those fortunate enough not to know or care, is the heart throb vampire from the Twilight movies. I have seen the first two, but only in the hilarious form of the Rifftrax versions (the only way someone other than a teenage girl should). On Pattinson from E! online:
According to Ancestry.com, the 24-year-old Brit is related to the “real-life Dracula,” brutal 15th-century Transylvanian leader Vlad III Dracula, aka Vlad the Impaler, the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
“Without any myth or magic, we find royalty and vampires lurking in Pattinson’s life—making his story just as supernatural as the one he’s playing on screen,” said genealogist Anastasia Tyler.
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