Snark, Critic and Pop!

How have I never seen THIS?

Starring: Dennis Rodman, Dane Cook, John Pinette
Directed By: Kevin Elders

Dennis Rodman: Simon Sez star in a crappy movie!

Rodman plays Simon, the man whose sezing is responsible for our title. Rodman is a secret agent for INTERPOL who has no less than TWO comedic sidekicks constantly dressed as monks in their monastery base in France.

Simon is a motorcycle riding, kickboxing super agent capable of sliding down columns with his legs so that he can shoot guns with his hands. INTERPOL is apparently one of the easiest to work for secret agencies, because Rodman apparently has no mission or assignment to work on until an old schoolmate played by stand-up comedian Dane Cook (because apparently this film needs a THIRD comedic sidekick) shows up needing Simon’s aid. (continue reading…)

Forget the Expendables, we gotta see the forthcoming direct-to-DVD “One in the Chamber,” featuring the much requested battle of Dolph Lundgren and Cuba Gooding, Jr. Yes, it’s Drago vs. Radio!

A new breed of action star has emerged . . . and it’s Meryl Streep.  Move over Robert Downey Jr. and make room for the Iron Lady!

Yes, the year is 1994, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is showing signs of slowing down.  Coming off the disappointing Last Action Hero, Arnold released Junior – the movie where he got pregnant (you read that correctly).  Sylvester Stallone didn’t fare better in 1994, releasing the lackluster flick the Specialist.  Even the usually reliable Jean-Claude Van Damme stumbled for the first time with the uncharacteristically uninspired Street Fighter – the rare subpar movie adaption of a video game.

1994.  The landscape was ready for Meryl Streep.  Streep, long since held back in traditional “acting” roles in such films as Out of Africa, Deer Hunter (which stunk), and Kramer vs. Kramer, finally shows why she got into movies in the first place: kicking serious arse!  The action star boy’s club knew they’d met their match and things wouldn’t be the same as, in the wake of the River Wild, Streep would go on to star in countless action movies starting with her breakout role as Wonder Woman. (continue reading…)

Hanna hits close to home. The similarities between myself and Hanna are eerie: Like the title character Hanna (Saoirse Ronan), I too was homeschooled. Granted, there were some subtle differences. Hanna is a teenage girl, where I was a teenage boy. I was raised in the woods by bears, Hanna is raised in the forest by her ex-C.I.A. agent turned dangerous fugitive father Eric Bana. Hanna is raised to be a ruthless hunter, living off the land, killing wild animals by hand; while driving down a country road I once accidentally hit a chicken. Truly watching this movie was like watching my life played out before my eyes.

In fairness, I am not a genetically enhanced superchild being hunted by a rogue government agent (Cate Blanchett) like Hanna, but no biographical movie is entirely true to the source material. (continue reading…)

Stop me when this movie plot sounds familiar: A big city, karate kicking supercop is fighting a big time drug dealer. They bust the drug kingpin, but the bad guys get off because the good guys bent the rules. The drug kingpin has the supercop’s partner(s) killed. The good guy goes for revenge!

Sound like every 80′s-90′s action movie? Well Excessive Force isn’t your Great Uncle’s action movie for a myriad of reasons. For starters, Excessive Force stars a Jean-Claude Van Damme American-style wannabe in Thomas Ian Griffith, from Karate Kid III. Not the Karate Kid, but another of the karateing kids in Karate Kid III who wasn’t Ralph Macchio. (continue reading…)