Snark, Critic and Pop!

Sometimes when I watch a trailer, I sense something is wrong. When I see the words “PRODUCED BY UWE BOLL”, I say, “Well, there’s your problem!” Still with a name like Zombie Massacre, I am tempted . . . Warning, this trailer will make you say “What the H?!” (continue reading…)

A quick perusal of the world wide interweb leads me to conclude that there are precious few attempts to properly review the Uwe Boll film Blubberella.  I don’t blame anyone who threw their hands up and said, “nah,” or just said it stunk a skunk on toast.  I understand.  I just saw Blubberella.  I review movies frequently.  I searched for other reviews in a desperate attempt to understand what I had just experienced.

In my mind, I’m trying to think of how to categorize or describe in some way director Uwe Boll’s opus Blubberella. It’s tough, but I’ll try:

To understand Blubberella you have understand Bloodrayne: Third Reich – a tall order. A while ago I reviewed Uwe Boll’s Bloodrayne: Third Reich. B:TR was a bad movie. Not fun/bad, but joyless, soul-suckingly unwatchable bad. Bloodrayne 3 surrounded a sexy half human/half vampire helping the Resistance battle supernatural Nazis during World War II. (continue reading…)

The world’s worst director, Uwe Boll, is back from the gutter! And this time he’s bringing Dolph Lundgren with him. It’s In The Name of the King 2!

I wasn’t a big fan of the new movie Drive, but it never crossed my mind to file a lawsuit against the film’s makers because of it.  Frankly, I’d file charges against Uwe Bol over Bloodrayne: Third Reich well before the noir throwback Drive.  But, I am not an American hero.  One Michigan woman, however, is leading the charge of the dimmed light brigade and suing Drive’s distributors, FilmDistrict, over the flick.  Why?  Because of the misleading trailer and a little anti-Semitism.  So says the article from the Hollywood Reporter: (continue reading…)

Often, we here at SnarkCriticPop post about forthcoming flicks that we think are going to be fun/bad.  One such film I posted the trailer of back in Junewas BloodRayne: Third Reich.  From the world’s worst director Uwe Boll (don’t believe me?  Watch this movie) and featuring a leather clad vampire hottie battling Nazis, how could we be wrong?  Well, quite frankly, I’m not entirely sure how, because my brain in some manner of failsafe has wiped the movie from my memory banks. 

I have a distinct memory of plucking BloodRayne: Third Reich from a local RedBox.  I remember taking it excitedly to the Bad Movie Night Crew’s weekly get-together.  And I remember head-achy confusion.  I remember wanting to challenge Uwe Boll to a boxing match, but realizing that I may never regain strength in my arms to eat a Dorito much less box a bad director.  (continue reading…)

While his fat-chick-superheroine film Bluberella is being kept under lock and key and is not yet cleared for general consumption, the world’s worst director Uwe Boll has churned out yet another BloodRayne film. This BloodRayne features hottie Natassia Malthe donning the tight black leather, the third actress to play the character in as many films. This time it’s BloodRayne, the relatively good girl vampiress, is battling Nazis in World War II. ‘Twas that Hitler I spotted in the trailer (see below)? Oh, Uwe!

If I recall Brian’s post on Bluberella waaaaay back in November 2010, that was about the fat chick superhero battling Nazi’s as well. So a hot chick battles Nazi’s in a dreadful, unwatchable film (it’s Uwe Boll, you know it’s going to suck even by my standards) and it’s in every Redbox on July 5th, but the fat chick does the same and it’s kept under wraps at area 51 pending USDA approval? Fat people discrimination! Where’s the anti-fat-guy-defamation league? (continue reading…)

Yes folks, Uwe Boll is still alive.  After Bloodrayne: The Third Reich I would have thought someone would have put him out of his misery.  Now he is making a new film and if forced to watch it I can only ask that you, my loyal reader will put me out of mine.  Blubberella is the story of something I am fairly sure, but I have no desire to find out what.  This is what IMDB has to say:

“An action comedy centered on an overweight woman whose footsteps cause explosions and whose dual swords are used against anyone who makes fun of her.”

Now, if ye be brave of heart (continue reading…)

Alone In the Dark is rated by RottenTomatoes.com to be the second worst movie of all time. Second to, the recently reviewed by me, Ballistics: Ecks vs Sever. My first reaction to this was anger, there are movies I’ve enjoyed watching less than either of these, Babel for example. Let’s break this down:

Alone In The Dark: action movie about an ancient native American race that open the gates to hell, found a way to close them and then in proper ancient civilization form hid (rather than destroyed) the key to open the gate in remote parts of the world where conspiracy theorists could track them down thousands of years later and open the gate. (continue reading…)

I have long understood that Hollywood executives are not perfect.  I understand that.  Noone is.  Anyone could have green-lit the Carrot Top movie.  He was going to be big, all he needed was the steroids.  But honestly, it must be a tough job.  True artists are often not understood in there own time.  There may come a day when Uwe Boll is finally appreciated for the genius that he is, and I can only hope that I am dead and deep in the cold, cold Earth on that day.  Where is all this going?  Well, apparently Guillermo Del Toro was at one point working with Disney on creating a film adaptation of The Wind in the Willows. (A film adaptation is due out in 2012, although I am not sure if it is being made by Disney.  The trailer can be viewed here) Now, I am particularly fond of the book so a movie adaptation leaves me wondering.  Will they take a beautifully written and beloved tale and do it justice? (continue reading…)