Snark, Critic and Pop!

Have you ever seen a movie that you thought you should like, but you simply can’t bring yourself to do it?  It’s a strange experience.  On occasion when I went in expecting quality entertainment and observing instead blatant mediocrity (or worse, cinematic atrocity) I have actually found myself rooting for the movie.  “Come on, movie, you can do it!  Put a little entertainment into it!”  One such experience is the 1992 release of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. 

While most Dracula movies since the Bela Lugosi Universal classic have veered further and further from the source novel from Bram “Muffin” Stoker, this one would be different.  Hence, “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” is in fact the full title.  Perhaps this is so there is no mistaking it for Dr. Seuss’ Dracula, or Tom Clancy’s Dracula, or the highly overrated Jane Austen’s Dracula.  (continue reading…)

Tim Burton + Johnny Depp = Strange: (continue reading…)

A quick perusal of the world wide interweb leads me to conclude that there are precious few attempts to properly review the Uwe Boll film Blubberella.  I don’t blame anyone who threw their hands up and said, “nah,” or just said it stunk a skunk on toast.  I understand.  I just saw Blubberella.  I review movies frequently.  I searched for other reviews in a desperate attempt to understand what I had just experienced.

In my mind, I’m trying to think of how to categorize or describe in some way director Uwe Boll’s opus Blubberella. It’s tough, but I’ll try:

To understand Blubberella you have understand Bloodrayne: Third Reich – a tall order. A while ago I reviewed Uwe Boll’s Bloodrayne: Third Reich. B:TR was a bad movie. Not fun/bad, but joyless, soul-suckingly unwatchable bad. Bloodrayne 3 surrounded a sexy half human/half vampire helping the Resistance battle supernatural Nazis during World War II. (continue reading…)

“My Bible burst into flame for some reason”:

From a featurette on CBS’ Morning Show: (continue reading…)

Yes, Abraham Lincoln – Vampire Hunter. The movie is coming out soon, but you can see the trailer for . . .the book! (continue reading…)

The Rifftrax crew composed this terrific song in homage to their classic riff of Twilight. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy, and Michael J. Nelson, movie mockers turned movie mocking singers, with their number one hit, Sparkly Vampires:
(continue reading…)

Often, we here at SnarkCriticPop post about forthcoming flicks that we think are going to be fun/bad.  One such film I posted the trailer of back in Junewas BloodRayne: Third Reich.  From the world’s worst director Uwe Boll (don’t believe me?  Watch this movie) and featuring a leather clad vampire hottie battling Nazis, how could we be wrong?  Well, quite frankly, I’m not entirely sure how, because my brain in some manner of failsafe has wiped the movie from my memory banks. 

I have a distinct memory of plucking BloodRayne: Third Reich from a local RedBox.  I remember taking it excitedly to the Bad Movie Night Crew’s weekly get-together.  And I remember head-achy confusion.  I remember wanting to challenge Uwe Boll to a boxing match, but realizing that I may never regain strength in my arms to eat a Dorito much less box a bad director.  (continue reading…)

I always have such hope for the Underworld movies, generally it’s because of Kate Beckinsale in catsuit-esque attire. I haven’t actually liked an Underworld movie to date, but there’s one more to go, folks. Underworld: Awakening is the name, and it appears in this one we’re supposed to root for a vampire chick as she fights those evil human beings who are seemingly unsympathetic to getting their blood sucked.

In January 2012, Underworld: Awakening hits theaters and sucking is guaranteed. But it could be the vampire kind of sucking, I hope. Kate’s back, looking mighty fine and even executing a CGI/Stunt Woman aided tilt-a-whirl headscissors, and this movie looks like it could fun. Will I be right? Or will I never learn a valuable lesson about not watching any more Underworld movies? Fool me three times, shame on you, Hollywood, fool me four times, shame on me. Still, watch the trailer, won’t you? (continue reading…)

What else do you need to know? Ninjas vs. Vampires!

Against the Dark is a gay romp through recycled plot lines, poor continuity and even poorer character development. Did that do enough to sell the movie? No? How about this – it stars a doughy Steven Seagal and the Rock’s stunt double.  Now you’re hooked, I know it.

The film takes place in a world in which a terrible plague which noone is immune to has turned people into vampires, and I say noone is immune to it because we are told this up front.  There is no hope, so don’t even bother.  Luckily for our heroes, which in this film are a group of 6 hapless dopes who (continue reading…)

One of the many great things about Tivo is the wonderful descriptions of programming it provides.  Take this Tivo-nopsis of the 2005 horror movie Dead Serious: “Religious fanatics try to take over a gay bar which is – they are about to discover – owned by vampires”. How could I not click the record button? …

The film opened in the gay bar in question, which one could tell was a gay bar because the only decor was a rainbow flag hanging on the wall.  A patron argues with the bartender who tells him to talk to the manager, whose office is up top of a winding dim staircase.  (continue reading…)