Snark, Critic and Pop!

I’m taking my first ever cruise this week, and thought I would do some research by revisiting the sequel to 1994′s fun actioner Speed that was such a trainwreck Keanu Reeves wouldn’t do it:

I will not bore you with the story of how I ended up with a copy of Streets of Fire, but let me assure you I did not pay a dime for it.  Yet, ever inquisitive, without foreknowledge of the plot, never reading the back cover or looking it up on imdb.com I watched it.  The front cover promises me a movie starring Michael Pare (who?), Diane Lane, and Willem Dafoe.  The roughly sketched picture of a dashing guy holding a shotgun as a woman is holding on to him in front of gritty streets that do not appear to be on fire.  I’m bold.  I pop in the DVD and press play.

The first clue I’m in for a rough ride is the text reading: “A Rock ‘n Roll Fable.”  Not a good start.  Then more text: “Another Time . . . Another Place.”  Based on these clues one might expect the Star Wars musical, but that’s not the case.  Turns out we’re in the ‘50s of what I think is supposed to be Chicago or New York or maybe it doesn’t matter.  It is a strange, ‘80s version of the ‘50s.  Curious observation: The ‘50s movies about the ‘80s envisioned everyone riding in jet packs and living on moon colonies; ‘80s movies about the ‘50s portray everyone as an idiot.  But I digress. . . (continue reading…)